Love's Suicide(8)

The grandparents were the same. They all gave me gifts for my birthday and holidays and never treated me like I didn’t belong. For graduation one set of them gave each of us five hundred bucks. Branch and I would use ours toward expenses while attending school. We knew we’d have to get jobs, but that would only get us started without having to depend on his parents.

The morning of the party, Brooks stayed in his room. I’d helped Danica decorate and make breakfast for all of our guests. When he didn’t come down to eat, I took a plate up to his room. I knocked three times before opening the door and finding him lying on his back, shirtless. “Hey, I brought you food.”

He sat up. “Thanks. I wasn’t that hungry.”

I sat it to the side and plopped down next to him. He smiled, but didn’t say anything as he moved a piece of my hair away from my face. “I like when you don’t hide your face.”

I blushed and smiled, finally bringing myself to look over at him. “I’m going to miss you, Brooks. Promise you’ll visit?”

He smiled and kept staring at me. “Yeah. I’ll come see you.”

The room got quiet and I was uncomfortable sitting there with him not having a shirt on. “I better get back downstairs.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back onto the bed. My body fell against his and our faces were super close. Brooks brought his hand up and brushed it across my cheek. “Don’t slap me, Kat. Please, just let me have a few seconds of this.” He kept his eyes open and pressed his soft lips against mine. I should have pulled away, knowing what we were doing was wrong in so many ways, but it was impossible. I couldn’t deny myself a private goodbye.

When I didn’t move away, our one kiss intensified. Soon our tongues were mingling together and his hands were running up the sides of my shirt. I could feel myself burning for more and reacted as quickly as I could.

I finally pulled away and put my hand over my mouth after standing up frantically. “I’m sorry. I need to go back downstairs.” I felt horrible, imagining how hurt Branch would be if he’d seen us. Then again, I couldn’t help but feel a pull toward Brooks. As much as I wanted to feel guilty, I just couldn’t.

He didn’t move, but kept his gaze focused on me, as if he were trying to read what I was thinking. A half-smile formed in one corner of his mouth. “Does he know you’re in love with me?”

It was that very moment when I knew if I lied I’d drive him out of my life forever. I didn’t want Brooks to go away thinking he was wrong. I wanted him to know that I’d always have a special place in my heart for him, because as wrong as it was, it was also true. “Please don’t do this, Brooks.”

He smiled and scratched his head, possibly to consider calling me a coward. “Kat, have you asked yourself how long you’re going to go on with my brother before you realize you picked the wrong guy?”

I put my hands on my hips. “Don’t go there. You know I love Branch.”

He got up on his knees, separating the distance between us. “When I’m on that bus tomorrow and you’re done waving goodbye to me, I want you to do me one favor.”

“What?”

“I want you to think about being without Branch for a few months. Then switch it around and think about being without me. When you have your answer, you’ll know why I had to leave.”

I was so confused. “That makes no sense. You already know I’ll miss you.”

He started laughing and fell down on his back. “Kat, this ain’t even about missing me. This is about you living with a lie. It’s about my brother getting everything he wants, and never considering that you were never his to have.”

My heart was beating a hundred miles per hour, and I wasn’t sure if I should jump back in bed with Brooks and profess my love, or punch him for assuming I’d made a serious mistake.

“Please stop.”

“Stop what? Stop feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t man enough to fight for what I wanted?” Out of all the times that he could have come to me with this, he was picking when he was about to leave.

I paced around the room and threw my hands in the air. “What are you talking about?”

Just then the door opened. Branch was standing there smiling. “Hey, I was wondering where you two were. Mom needs us to get the grill going. Dad had to run out for the cake.”

Brooks stood up and pulled a shirt over his head. He said nothing to me as he walked out with Branch. All I could think about was him kissing me and the way it felt. I’d kissed Branch a million times and never felt that kind of desperate connection.