Love's Suicide(44)

Bobby took on the responsibility of being a father just as I suspected. Even though I wasn’t working, he still took turns with late night feedings and diaper changes and I admired him for loving us when I knew he really didn’t have to.

Brooklyn became his princess and after one month he lived and breathed for her. I think that’s when I started to really fall for him. I’d held a wall up, unable to accept the things that I couldn’t control. Bobby had saved me and through the fire, he’d brought me peace.

Seeing him with Brooklyn reminded me of how lucky we were and I knew it was time to let go. I wanted to love Bobby and be a family, but for some reason whenever I felt like I did, my mind went back to Brooks. I kept telling myself that time would heal my wounds, but then again, I’d loved him my whole life and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to stop.





Chapter 19

May 2012



“Hey, it’s me. We’re out of milk. Do you think you could pick some up on your way home from work?”

Bobby said something under his breath. “Anything else?”

“No. Just milk. I’ve already started dinner.” I’d been trying to have it ready every night when he got home from working all day.

“What are we havin’ tonight?”

“Meatloaf. I figured I’d use that ground venison that you’d thawed out.”

“What?” He was angry. “That was for me to make chili for when we get back from turkey huntin’. That’s just great, Katy. Thanks for askin’ first.”

“I’ll just get another two pounds out of the freezer. It’s not a big deal, really.”

“It is a big damn deal when I had it out for a purpose. Can you do anything without pissing me off?”

I hung up the phone before he could say anything else that was hateful. We’d been married since August and for the first six months everything was perfect. He was a good father and did anything for me that I’d ever asked. But lately, something had changed. I knew what it was, but didn’t know what to do to make things better.

A couple months ago he’d come home with flowers. I greeted him with a long kiss and soon we were both shedding our clothes. Bobby was good lover, as long as he was being equally pleased. He wasn’t the type of guy to get between a woman’s legs, give her a good time, and then call it a night. Bobby was about pleasing Bobby first.

That particular night he was extremely horny. He practically ripped off my clothes before we’d made it to the bedroom. I was lifted up against the wall in the hallway, feeling his stiff erection pushing against my entrance.

Since he didn’t come home like that often, I figured I’d go with it and give him a good time, after all, we’d been living as husband and wife for a while and things were good between us.

Once he’d carried me into the bedroom, he jumped on top of me and looked me right in the eyes. “Tell me you love me.”

I hesitated, because, up to that point, I’d only felt a deep admiration for him. I could see me loving him, but it still hadn’t happened.

I felt his large hand coming across my face before I could respond. “I said tell me you love me, bitch. How long do I have to wait?”

I started crying and reached up to touch my burning cheek. He pulled my hand away and got up in my face. At this point I was getting scared. He’d never laid a hand on me, and to say that I was frightened would have been an understatement.

When I could do nothing but cry, he got mad at himself. “God damn it!” He leaned down and kissed me where he just injured my face. “I can’t stand this, Katy. It’s makin’ me do things I swore I’d never do. I don’t want to be like him.”

He climbed off of me and walked into the bathroom. I sat there, waiting for him to come back and hurt me again. “Like who?” I whispered.

“Like my father. He beat my mother, and I swore I’d never let myself get that angry.” He came up to the bed and started to cry. I didn’t know what to do. One minute we were naked and having a good time and then he was losing his temper on me.

While still sobbing, I pulled him against my body and listened to him crying like a baby. “I’m so sorry, darlin’. I didn’t mean it. It just hurts so much knowin’ you don’t love me. I don’t know what else to do.”

I cried with him, feeling horrible that I’d been unable to move on. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I do love you, Bobby. I do.”

He looked up at me and finally stopped sniffling. “Really? Even after I hurt you?”

I nodded, knowing I was lying, just to make amends. “Really.”