“Can I ask you somethin’ without you gettin’ mad?”
I shrugged. “Of course.”
“I was wonderin’ if you’d let me take care of you. I get that you’re fine by yourself, but we could do it together.”
“You’re asking me to move in with you?”
He laughed. “Well, I was hopin’ that maybe one day you’d learn to love me, the way that I’ve fallen in love with you.”
I sniffled and reminded myself that I’d just been crying about Brooks. Bobby was a wonderful man. He ran a business and everyone liked him. I was lucky to have someone like him offering to take care of me. The thing was, I knew I’d never love him, not the way he’d want me to. “I can’t make you promises that I don’t know how to keep, Bobby. Right now my heart is still broken. I’ve got a baby growing inside of me that will never know her father. It’s eating me alive with guilt. The last thing I want to do is put a label on us. I hope you understand.”
He smiled, but looked defeated. “Yeah, I reckon I do. Just know that the offer will still stand if you change your mind. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
I kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you. You’re a good man, you know that?”
He reached on the dash and handed me a plate. “I made you a hotdog, extra onions, just like you wanted.”
I opened the foil and smelled the delicious food. If I’d just broken Bobby’s heart, he wasn’t letting me see it. Instead he was taking care of me, like he was always doing. Seeing him doing that made me wonder if I was passing up on something that I’d regret later. Maybe Bobby was as good as I would ever get.
Only time would be able to tell me that and from the shambles I’d made of my life, it was all I had.
Chapter 18
August- September 2011
“Look at these doctor bills, Bobby. How am I ever going to afford the delivery?” I had been staring at them since they arrived in the mail and the numbers weren’t changing. Already, I’d accrued ten grand in doctor’s visits and prenatal testing, alone. With me not working, my savings account didn’t exist and worrying wasn’t allowed.
Bobby wrapped his arms around me. “You know, Katy, it’s probably not realistic and you can kick me in the balls for askin’, but I’ve got real good health insurance. If we got married, you’d be covered.”
I hated the word marriage, because it reminded me of a time that I wanted to bury and never speak of again. “Bobby, we can’t.”
He got down on his knees on my kitchen floor and looked up at me. “Like I said before. It ain’t ideal circumstances, and that you’ll probably never feel the same about me, but we’re friends and I want to help. You don’t have to move or anything. It will all be on paper.”
I looked at the paper and then back to Bobby again. “You’d do that for me? Just to save me money?”
He’d asked me to be with him before and was kind when I’d turned him down.
He nodded. “I told you before that I loved you. I know it’s too soon and I don’t expect anything more than an arrangement between two friends. Just let me help you. I don’t want to see you sufferin’ with money when you don’t have to. God knows I’ve paid that damn company enough money through the years. They need to start kickin’ it back in my favor.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Are you sure? What if you meet someone else that can give you what you need?”
He shrugged. “Katy, I doubt that will ever happen.”
I leaned in and kissed him tenderly on the lips. He was an honest man and I felt blessed to know someone like him. “I guess I can’t take long answering?” I was due in one month.
“It’s going to take a couple weeks for you to get added, so I wouldn’t wait too long.”
“Can you give me a few minutes by myself?”
Bobby stood up and walked outside. I watched him out the window, picking up one of the children and twirling them around. I closed my eyes and pictured Brooks doing that with our daughter. It was apparent to me that it was just a dream. He’d never be the father that she knew and I hated myself for it.
Then I opened my eyes and focused on Bobby. I hadn’t known him long, but he was willing to do so much for me. He’d told me that he loved me, even knowing that I didn’t love him back. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, because I did. I cared deeply for him, but that’s all it was. I could never give him my heart when I didn’t have it anymore. I’d left it in that hotel room with Brooks and I wasn’t ever going to ask for it back.