Once I’d familiarized myself with the place, I sat down and started opening my new phone. The service was terrible from being out in the country, but with two bars I dialed Melissa’s number.
“Hello?”
“It’s me, Katy. I just want you to know I’m okay.”
“Where are you? Branch came looking for you. The shit hit the fan when you left. He thinks you and Brooks ran off together. It seems that he disappeared around the same time you did. Have you heard from him?”
“No.” I started to worry, wondering what had happened. Then I remember writing the letter. If he’d gotten it, I’d shattered him so bad that he had to leave. I started to cry. “Oh my God. What have I done?”
“Just breathe, Katy. Where are you? Are you safe?”
I looked around the trailer. “I’m safe. I even have a place to rent already. It’s a long story, and this is one of those prepaid phones so I don’t want to use all my minutes. Just know I’m okay. I’ll call you once a week to check in.”
“Katy, I’m really going to miss you. Just so you know, I’m not mad at you. You and Brooks should have been together. I hope you know that.”
I did, but it didn’t change anything. “Thank you, Mel. Don’t forget not to tell anyone you heard from me.”
“Take care and Merry Christmas.”
When we hung up I lay down on the covered couches and cried. I hadn’t even considered that I was two days from Christmas. In the midst of all of my problems it made sense why two strangers would take a leap and give me a chance. I probably didn’t deserve it, but I was grateful.
I’d run from my mistakes and taken the cowardly way out. I’d never considered what Brooks was going to do when he found out I’d left him.
My heart hurt for a whole different reason and I knew it was never going to heal. I didn’t know what I could do to keep going when I felt like I was already dead on the inside.
Finding a place to lay my head and a job to make money was only half of my battle. Coming to terms with my actions was another kind of war.
Chapter 14
January 2011
I’d been living in Sumter South Carolina for nearly a month. The holidays had passed and with them went the last of my hope of ever being happy again. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad to have a roof over my head and a friend like Sarah to talk to.
Earlier in the month I’d received good news and gained another friend.
My car was on its last leg, and after hearing what it would take to fix, it had sat at the repair shop, untouched. Sarah drove me to the restaurant in return for me watching the kids one night a week so she and her husband, Dave, could have a night out together.
He was coming around, being nice to me when I was nearby, and he’d even let me spend Christmas dinner with them. I had to admit that seeing them interacting like a family was hard. The last time I’d seen a little girl with her father, it had been my own. Sarah was kind and sat with me, offering comfort.
I guess for messing things up so badly, I had a bunch to be grateful for. My job was steady and we had regulars that tipped pretty well. I’d used half of my savings to pay my first month’s rent and buy myself some things for the trailer.
Sarah had been right about it needing a good scrubbing. It took us nearly two days, but we managed to bring it back to life. Underneath a few years of filth were some surprisingly nice things. We ended up covering the couches in some old fabric she had in her attic. She taught me how to use her sewing machine and make patterns to guide me. We even had enough fabric to make matching curtains.
On the weekends we visited farmer’s markets, and I was able to purchase a new dining set, dishes¸ and even a whole silverware set. Then I purchased a mattress cover and new bedding from a local store and found a cheap shower curtain that changed the whole look of the eyesore that the bathroom used to be.
During the day, when I wasn’t working and the kids went to school, Sarah and I did chores around the farm and got to know each other.
I found out that she was an orphan too. The preacher and his baron wife had adopted her when she was five. She’d met her husband when they were both nineteen. They married and inherited the farm from his father, who passed about a year before. Sarah was one of those people that anyone would envy. She didn’t have a stressful life. Their small town values kept their family whole, and through prayer and worship they’d found their purpose in life. I don’t like admitting I was a charity case, but knew in some ways I was. She liked knowing that she could help.
It also made her feel like she had the right to push me to move on. She’d invited their friend Bobby over for dinner, and from the way he smelled, I could tell he wasn’t just there to have a few beers with his buddy. I recognized him from the car repair shop, but this time he was cleaned up.