She came up behind me and smacked me right in the face. “That’s for lying to me, because I’m assuming you’ve been in love with him for you to do something so scandalous the night before your wedding. I made a fool out of myself, and you knew he didn’t want me the whole time. And you-- how could you do that to Branch? This hotel is filled with people that came here to see you marry him. They are here to see you promise your faithfulness to him. Does that mean anything to you?”
I looked down at the ground and accepted the sting as payment for being a shitty friend. “I’m so sorry, Mel. I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t accept it myself. I do know what it means to be faithful and what I’ve done is unforgivable. It’s done. The damage is done and I can’t change it. They’re never going to forgive me for what has happened. Branch will make sure of it. He’ll make sure they never speak to me again. He’s not going to stop until he’s satisfied. I know how he is. I’ve started a war that I can’t defend myself in and I’ve got to get as far away from him as I can.”
She grabbed my suitcase. “Let’s just get you out of here and we’ll talk on the road.”
I dropped my other bags and wrapped my arms around her. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m still mad at your ass and maybe even a little jealous.”
“Don’t be.” We walked out and I hit the elevator button. “You wouldn’t want my life. Nobody would ever want this life.”
When we got down to the lobby, my heart was weighing heavy on the fact that I was destroying Brooks by leaving him. I knew I owed him a better explanation, so after we got the car loaded I found a pen and piece of paper from one of my schoolbooks and started writing him a goodbye letter.
Melissa sat there rubbing my hair as I cried and wrote the words that I was too chicken to say to him.
Dear Brooks,
This letter means that I broke my promise to you. I had to walk away from this before I had to look them all in the eye and admit what I’ve done. I couldn’t stay and face the consequences. I know I’m a coward and that a part of you will never forgive me for this.
Not only have I destroyed the bond that you and your brother once shared, but I’ve disrespected your parents and all of the generosity that they’ve given me for so many years.
This letter isn’t something that my heart takes lightly. I know what I’m giving up, and it hurts more now knowing how absolutely perfect it felt to be in your arms and feel your love radiating through me.
I will cherish the night we spent together and remember it every day for the rest of my life.
Please don’t look for me. I’ve decided to finally go out and make my own decisions for once. I want to move forward and start fresh where I won’t be judged for loving you. Just know that no matter where I end up, you will always have a piece of me.
Some people say that love never dies. If that’s true then I hope you can forgive me for walking away from it. I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself for this.
I would do anything to take back the last few years and be with you, instead. If I had known what I know now there would never have been a question as to who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It’s always been you, Brooks. I’ve known that I loved you since our first kiss. Maybe even before it. Denying it will always be my biggest regret. I know what we could have had together and it kills me inside.
This is my goodbye. It will be the last time you ever hear from me again. Please tell your family that I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I hope in time they can forgive you. After all, you’re the son they should be praising, not your brother. In fact, you’re the most brave, beautiful man I’ve ever known. Don’t let my actions change that.
I’m sorry and I love you,
Katy
With trembling hands I wrote his room number and name and handed it to the bellhop before we pulled out of the hotel valet slot.
After the two-hour ride, where I sobbed and tried to explain the whole story to Melissa, we pulled up at the apartment.
Since I didn’t know where Branch was or if he was coming to murder me for embarrassing him, I hurried inside and started packing everything that I’d be able to fit inside my tiny car. I grabbed clothes, jewelry, toiletries, and one picture collage of the three of us throughout the years growing up. Melissa helped me carry out several bags before she left me alone to say a final goodbye to the life I was leaving behind.
I played with the engagement ring on my finger and finally took it off. Then I grabbed a sticky note and wrote the words “sorry” on it. After putting the ring and my cell phone on top of it, I took one last look around the room and closed the door behind me.