“I believe you, but I need to know how you found out?”
“I got a letter a few weeks ago that must have been lost in the mail. It was postdated from February and explained how he was coming home to start a life with me. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I just got in my car and drove to the base. There was no way I could go without knowing. I had to see it for myself. Brooks walked out of that building and I felt like I could breathe again. Not only was he alive, but he’d been living so close to me. What he didn’t know was that Brooklyn was his child. He told me that he wanted nothing to do with me and then I confessed.”
“You should have seen the look on his face when he told me to leave. It hurt so much knowing that I’d hurt him again. I hated myself for not telling him about B. When I left, I went to pick her up from the babysitter. When I got home, Brooks was sitting at the kitchen table with Bobby. After that, everything started becoming the mess that led to all this. Bobby started hitting me again and Brooks wasn’t going to sit around letting it happen. He hid me from Bobby at a hotel near the base.
That was the first time that we spent the night together. We should have waited, but after so long apart and sharing the excitement of our daughter, things happened. It was his idea to bring us home to you and Walt. He thought we’d be safe while waiting for Bobby to be served papers ordering him stay away from us.
I was so caught up in being with Brooks, finally after so long that I went along with everything he said. It was his idea to tell you he knew the whole time. It was his idea to lie about being married. He just wanted our family back together, and for what it was worth, it meant everything to me too. I’m so sorry. I know you must hate me for doing this to the family, again. I promise that I won’t keep B from you. I’d never do that.”
“Stop.” She closed her eyes and kept her hand on my shoulder. “Just stop and let me take this all in.”
“All you have to know is that this is my fault. I agreed to marry Bobby and he expected me to change. I ruined his life and now I’ve ruined mine.”
“That wasn’t fair to either of you, Katy. He should have known that he couldn’t change things. You can’t help who you fall in love with. Nobody expects you to be a saint. I’m angry with your approach, but I do understand how you felt like it was the only way. Our situation is difficult. You being in love with my sons and also considering you my own daughter, it was always a potion for disaster, but we let you all figure it out amongst yourselves. Bobby couldn’t expect you to change something that you’ve felt your entire life.”
I smiled, knowing that she was right. I’d loved Brooks Valentine my whole life. The idea that he’d just walked out of my house so upset was killing me. “I think when he thought I’d lost Brooks forever, Bobby thought he had a chance. Shit, I even told him he did. We were trying to have another baby.”
“Katy, you were doing what you thought was right. Whether it was a miracle or miscommunication, Brooks was suddenly back in your life. Anyone in your situation would have been compulsive with their decision making. You felt like you’d gotten a second chance after experiencing all of the emotions of losing someone.”
I cried harder, feeling like nothing that I’d done was the right decision. “Being with Brooks is so easy. I know it’s stupid, but it’s almost like we share a heart.”
“Or a soul? Maybe that’s possible. We’ll never know. Look, life isn’t always wonderful. There are ugly parts. You know that more than anyone. What you do with those ugly parts is what makes you the woman you are. I can’t tell you what to do, but you need to imagine your life without Bobby and your life without Brooks. If what Bobby wanted was for you to be happy, then somewhere in your heart you’ll be able to forgive yourself.”
Brooks had offered me similar advice a while back.
I couldn’t talk anymore and after my confession I fully expected Danica to catch the next flight out. Instead, while I cried and B slept, she began cleaning my house.
My heart was so heavy, and right in the middle of all the pain was the man that I was pushing away.
Chapter 54
I should have known that I wouldn’t get much rest. Aside from having to sleep on the couch, since my bed had been destroyed, I tossed and turned thinking about Brooks and everything else.
I could hear the sounds of the critters and insects outside and nothing else. I stared at the ceiling for a while, and even got down on the floor and started picking up things that were still out of place.
Danica was sound asleep in B’s room with her and I didn’t want to wake either of them by turning on the television.