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Love's Suicide(11)

By:Jennifer Foor


Then, just a few months ago, I’d started getting letters back. They weren’t anything spectacular, but my heart beat double on the day I received the first one.

I memorized his words and kept the letter hidden in a pair of old wool socks that itched too much to wear.





Dear Kat,



Thanks for writing me all those letters. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. My life’s been busy and I know yours has too. I hear you and Branch are doing well from Mom’s letters. Tell him I said hi.

I will try to write more.



Love, Brooks



It wasn’t anything mushy, but it was still something. He’d finally stopped ignoring me and accepted that we’d all grown up and that it was time to be friends again.

Although I’d never forget what happened between us, the secret I would take to the grave, I knew I couldn’t hate him. He put his own feelings aside for his brother and even though I could never understand it, I had to respect it.

Besides, somehow knowing that we’d shared something so intimate helped me cope with losing him. Maybe it was the reason he did it. I’d probably never find out and, by that point, I didn’t need to. Branch and I were on our way to share our good news. We were engaged and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. The handsome man holding my hand, who made me smile every day wanted me to be his forever. I was honored to have his love and vowed to never take it for granted again.



We were greeted by his parents at the door, who then helped bring in the rest of the presents that we couldn’t carry in on the first trip inside. The house smelled like ham, and I couldn’t wait to tear into a nice family dinner. We’d been eating microwave dinners for two years, so any chance to have real food was like putting a child in a candy shop with free reign.

I didn’t care if I left there weighing ten more pounds. All I wanted to do was eat, drink, and be merry.

That’s exactly what I did too. We caught up with Danica and Walt, answering all of their questions about school and work.

It took them nearly an hour before they noticed the ring on my hand. His dad saw it first, but didn’t say anything. I caught him glancing at it as he spoke. When Danica finally spotted it on my finger, she snatched my hand up and looked down at it. “It’s more beautiful than the pictures, Branch. You did good picking it out on your own.”

I was shocked. “You knew?”

She dropped my hand and folded hers together. “Well, of course we knew. He had to call me for shopping advice. It wasn’t like his brother or father would know anything about what you’d like.” She winked, but of course my mind went to Brooks and how wrong she was about him knowing me.

After a little too much celebrating, I found myself climbing the ladder to the tree house. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea, but there I was, pushing myself through the small opening, wearing a dress and a shawl. One of my shoes fell to the ground and I didn’t bother going back down to get it.

It was already dark outside, and surprisingly the push light still had enough battery to come on when I tried it. I looked around the small wooden house and thought about all of our great times and some of our bad ones.

When I got a chill, I grabbed an old blanket and went to put it around me. A big spider crawled across it and I threw it down on the floor. An envelope fell out of it that had my name scribbled on it.



I shook off the blanket and squashed the spider before wrapping it around me to keep warm. Then I sat down on the hard wood floor and opened the envelope. It was weird. I didn’t remember ever bringing a note up into the tree house, and I knew Branch hadn’t been up in there for years.

When I unfolded the paper it was all explained.



Dear Kat,

If you’re reading this letter then I’ve already left for the Army. Which also probably means that I was too chicken shit to tell you how I really feel about you.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, because you’ll probably never come up into this tree house again. In the chance that you do, I need to set things straight, once and for all.

The first thing you need to know is that from the first day we met, as infants even, I loved you. I can’t remember one day where I didn’t, so it has to mean it’s since birth.

The second thing you need to know is that I wanted to tell you when we were twelve and had shared our first kiss. I know you remember that night. I pulled you aside and asked you to do it again. I was going to tell you, but I got called in for dinner. That next day you lost your parents and being your friend was more important than any horny kids’ feelings.

So I waited.

The thing was, I accidentally told Branch all about it. He told me that you secretly confided in him that you liked him, but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. It was a shitty move, but well played by him. He knew that if I thought you wanted him, I’d back off.