Had he ever wanted anything more?
Claudette flashed through his mind. She’d told him over a hundred years ago that he didn’t know how to love her, and she’d been right. How many times had he badgered her to let him turn her? How many times had he derided her human roots?
That she’d stayed with him as long as she had was a miracle. Abbey wouldn’t have stood for it.
But when he thought of Abbey’s humanity, he found he didn’t care as much as he’d always thought he would. Abbey was Abbey. Human, vampire, or dancing were-bear, she was the woman he loved.
Lucian froze. The thought seared through his brain. Loved. He loved her. He would always love her. Why else would he be willing to take her any way he could have her?
It didn’t matter what she was, because he loved who she was. That was what Claudette had been trying to teach him all those years ago. It was a lesson he’d failed miserably with her.
He didn’t want to fail with Abbey.
There was a very real possibility she wouldn’t believe him. After the mistakes he’d made with her, she might tell him to go to hell. And that’s exactly what life without her would be. A static, black-and-white hell.
His gaze went to the red pillow sitting on the armchair in the corner. Without her, his life was colorless.
He pushed from the desk, knowing what he had to do.
Reject him or not, Abbey needed to hear what he had to say. Then she could make her decision once and for all.
…
Abbey sniffed as she pulled her sweatpants on. Maybe she’d take tomorrow off from work. No one would blame her. They’d all chalk it up to the human biting off more than she could chew and getting burned by it. Not that they’d be wrong.
She sighed. Served her right. She had the right guy and she’d blown it because her stupid heart had wanted the wrong guy. And unfortunately for her, it seemed to be the forever kind of want.
Again she thought of leaving the supernatural world. She’d never intended for this shift in her life’s plan to be permanent. It’d started as a way to help her mother and turned into a career she loved. But maybe she’d gotten as much as she could from Fated Match. It was time to think about her life. Her human life. She’d lived in the supernatural world for years and where had it gotten her? Brokenhearted and alone.
She could quit. Leave Fated Match and try to find a job at a human matchmaking agency. With Melissa signing up, Vivian wouldn’t keep her promise to ruin Abbey’s reputation. Hell, the siren would probably be glad to see her go. Then she could focus on meeting a normal, human guy and settling down into a normal, human life. Sure, it sounded boring as hell, but it beat the pain she was in right now.
Just thinking of Lucian was heartbreaking. Was he missing her as desperately as she was him? Probably not, she thought with no small amount of self-pity.
And Lucian’s pain, if he felt any, would end when he found his mate. Hers wouldn’t. Humans didn’t have those fated forever matches but if they did, she’d bet money Lucian was hers.
Too bad she’d never be his.
Yes, she needed a new chapter in her life. Free from magic and worlds she could see but not touch. She needed boring and simple. At least for a little while. Hopefully there would come a day when she could look back on these weeks and not feel like crying until there was nothing left of her. A day when she could think about Lucian’s kiss and not crave it like a drug. It might be a long time coming, but it was something to look forward to.
It was all she had to look forward to.
“Job search tomorrow,” she muttered, shuffling into the living room. “Eat Chinese today.”
Last night’s takeout waited in the fridge and her fluffy pink blanket waited on the couch. It might not be the night she longed for, but it was better than nothing.
A knock sounded at the door as she headed for the couch.
Abbey glanced at her blanket longingly. All she wanted to do was curl up, watch some pathetically happy rom-com, and cry over the mess her life had become. Grief was the first step to recovery, after all. The knock came again and she sighed.
Marching to the door, she called, “Go away, Chloe. If you invite me to one more strip club, I’ll scream.”
“Glad to hear it,” Christian said when she pulled the door open.
“Christian.” She blinked in shock even as her heart clenched at the sight of him.
“You never replied to my e-mails,” he said. “Then I heard about you and Lucian.”
“If you’ve come to rub salt in the wound then—”
“I haven’t.” He stepped forward to grab the door as she tried to close it. “Truly, Abbey. Let me in?”
She hesitated for a moment before deciding she owed him this much. “Fine,” she said, turning her back on him.