Love Under Two Benedicts(42)

“I know. But I’m a mother. I was a mother,” she corrected. “A mother’s first, most sacred duty is to keep her child safe no matter what. I didn’t keep my child safe. I used to go over it, in my mind, over and over. Philip stopping at the store because he wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. Sean begging Daddy to go into the store with him because his daddy would almost always buy him a piece of candy. I kept thinking, what if I’d only nagged Philip more to quit smoking? What if I’d spoken up so that Sean wouldn’t expect candy every time he went into the store with Daddy? What if…” Kelsey paused, took a deep breath. “Just, what if.”

“Sweetheart.” Matthew sighed.

“How could you have known what would happen one day? You couldn’t,” Steven said. “You can just do what seems right, and kind, at the time, can’t you? None of this was your fault.”

“Oh, I know. I know it’s not my fault. That’s not always how it feels.” She lay back against the stacked up pillows. Her mind replayed the dream that had catapulted her from sleep. Then she frowned. “This one was different.”

“How so?” Matthew asked.

“It felt different. Usually, I’m in the car, looking at the store, watching Philip’s progress through the aisles. He was a tall man. Six and a half feet. When he went into that store carrying Sean, they were always in sight. And I would always watch because sometimes Sean would make the cutest faces. Anyway, the dream always is the same and I have this sense of danger as I’m looking at them. Only, this time, I sensed danger lurking outside of the store.”

“Maybe because the gunman was about to go in?” Steven asked.

“I…I don’t think so,” Kelsey said. “Something outside of the store, in the parking lot. Something that made me shiver. And this time, in my dream, when I turned to look back at the store, I couldn’t see them. I couldn’t see Philip and Sean.”

“Maybe it was different because you’re different,” Matthew offered. “Maybe because you’re moving on with your life, a little.”

“Maybe,” Kelsey said.

“Think you can go back to sleep now, sweetheart?” Matthew asked.

Kelsey knew she was still a little shaky from the nightmare. Yet she also felt better in its aftermath than she’d ever felt after one. She snuggled down into the bed and sighed when Matthew and Steven surrounded her with their heat and, yes, their love.

Kelsey’s mind lingered on the meaning of her nightmare even as sleep began to claim her again. Maybe Matthew was right. Perhaps the significance of the dream was simple. Maybe her subconscious was telling her that Philip and Sean really were gone, and it was time for her to move on with her life.



* * * *



Matthew found himself easily distracted as he pursued the threads of the investigation the next morning. He and Adam were both deep into the search for Benny’s mother. Despite the sense of mission he felt, more than once he found himself stopping and staring off into space.

He’d risen with Steven, showered, and left while Kelsey was still asleep in their bed. Neither of them had wanted to wake her. Steven planned to do just the necessary first-thing-in-the-morning chores, and then, if Benny was still asleep, head back to bed and some private loving time with their woman.

Matthew scanned the data he’d gotten from the Department of Motor Vehicles while his mind also grappled with another mystery. Something about Kelsey’s dream nagged at him, but damned if he could put his finger on what or why. Finally, he got up to pour himself a second cup of coffee, then stopped by Adam’s desk. He wanted to pull a string. Because it would be a personal use of department resources, he’d run it by Adam. He wouldn’t do so if the sheriff said no.

“What’s up?” Adam asked.

“I want to call Carmichael over in Austin and ask him to send me the file on the murder of Kelsey’s family.”

“She was pretty upset last night,” Adam said. “It must be hard, trying to take care of your woman without knowing all the facts. Sure, go ahead.”

“Thanks.” Matthew hesitated for just a moment, then shrugged. “It isn’t that. Or rather, it isn’t just that. She had a nightmare last night, and when she told me about it, something got my cop instincts quivering.”

Adam raised his right eyebrow. “In that case, hell yes, go ahead and get that information.”

“Thanks.” Matthew went back to his desk and put in a quick call to his acquaintance on the Austin P. D. Patrick Carmichael promised to dig the file out of the archives and send it along. He thought it had been stored digitally, which would mean Matthew could have the information as soon as that afternoon, if he was lucky. He thanked the man, then went back to work on the dozens of tiny details that most people didn’t realize comprised the brunt of police work.