Love Under Two Benedicts(30)

Now she knew she’d been lying to herself.

She’d gone out to check the supply of food and to meet and greet neighbors, regulars, and new customers.

Her gaze had landed on a little boy.

He’s about four.

The same age her Sean had been. His soft brown hair looked in need of combing. That and the serious expression on his face as he set about the business of eating his french fries acted like a giant claw tearing at her heart. Sean had eaten with that singular devotion, and he’d eaten slowly, and nothing she could ever do would hurry him up.

Oh, God. Her eyes flashed to the parents of the little one. Neither of them looked familiar to her.

Her gaze caught the attention of another diner, a man who’d been coming in twice a week for the past few weeks, and she nodded absently to him when he seemed to want her attention.

She turned her gaze back to the young family. The look of sheer, absolute, and total devotion on the face of the little guy’s mother twisted that claw around her heart. Her eyes flooded, and she turned, hustled back to the kitchen, then on into the staff washroom.

For long moments, she’d gulped back the tears and the overwhelming grief that at one time had been an ever-present black hole, sucking her in and sucking her deep.

I wish I’d gone into the store with him. Why didn’t I go in? I’d wrap my arms around my baby and keep him safe. Or die with him. I should have died with him. Oh God, why didn’t you let me die with him?

Kelsey splashed cold water on her face, and after a few long minutes, the grief began to ebb. She sat on the closed toilet, her focus on breathing and on trying to gather those emotions back up and stuff them back in their box.

It had been a very long time since she’d had a grief attack. For the first couple of years after she’d buried her husband and her son, they’d come unpredictably, hard, and often. She never would have thought a body could hold so many tears. Then, as time had passed, the moments came less and less often.

Kelsey blinked as she realized this was the first attack she’d had since moving here to Lusty. The first one in more than six months. That wasn’t to say she never thought about her baby. She thought about him at least once, every single day, but, somehow, she’d been able to get through the days, to function, even to laugh.

The best thing to do when the attack hit was to just keep busy. And avoid whatever it was that had triggered it. No, that was something she’d just made up now, but it made perfect sense to her. She’d stay in the kitchen for an hour or so, just until she could be sure that young family had left.

Kelsey knew she was being a coward and was fine with that. So she concentrated on making more salad, cleaning the kitchen, and refilling trays. She focused, worked, and ignored the looks her staff sent her and prayed for that hour to pass.

She didn’t know why she looked up when Michelle came into the kitchen. The look of worry on the woman’s face made her heart thud and sweat break out all over her body.

“What’s wrong?”

“Kelsey, you better come out here. I think we have a problem.”

Since Michelle turned and went back into the dining room, Kelsey followed. The woman had stopped and had her attention fixed on a particular table. Kelsey followed her gaze and swallowed hard.

The little boy who looked like her son had fallen asleep in the booster seat.

For a dreadful moment she thought he was dead. Then she saw him twitch, saw a smile come and go, and realized he was dreaming. She exhaled shakily.

“His parents are gone,” Michelle said.

Kelsey looked at her, the words not making sense. “What do you mean, gone?”

“I mean, they left. I didn’t see when. I’m sorry. I noticed the little guy drift off and the mom stroking his hair. I noticed because she looked kind of sad. Then I got busy, and the next thing I knew, they were gone. I thought at first they’d gotten up to go to the bathroom, and although I wouldn’t have left my child alone like that, I could understand how some might, especially if the little guy was sleeping.”

“His parents can’t be gone. How could they make a mistake like that and leave their baby behind?” No way, that’s how. Kelsey had seen that look on the mother’s face. She’d felt that look, lived that look. There was no way she would have forgotten…

“Oh, my God.” Kelsey turned to Michelle, who was nodding because she, Kelsey, had finally gotten it.

The little boy’s parents hadn’t forgotten him. They’d abandoned him.

Kelsey didn’t think. She just reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She punched number three on her speed dial. The phone was answered on the second ring.