I can’t promise that I’ll write back all the time. It’s hard for me to sit down and put my feelings on paper. I’ve already been warned that what I’m about to see over here will haunt me forever. I’m used to living in hell, so I’ve got every reason to believe that I’ll get through it. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I was such a disappointment. I was acting out because I couldn’t have what I wanted. Jealousy took control, forcing my hand to make irrational decisions. At the end of the day I deserve to be here, in the middle of this battle zone. If something happens to me and I don’t return please don’t dwell on my death. Just know I’m no longer in any pain. Nothing will ever hurt me again.
Thank you for bringing me up right and teaching me what love was. As much as it hurts, I don’t regret experiencing it. How I feel about Kat is something special. Not everyone finds their true love so early in life. Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t keep her. Maybe I had enough time with her when we were younger. No matter the case, I’m appreciative.
Take care of her and Branch. Help them to make amends. We’ll always be family.
Until next time with love,
Brooks
Before I sent the letter home I needed to take a couple seconds to come to grips with everything I’d expressed. It was as if I was sending away a suicide letter because I knew I wouldn’t keep in touch. My old life was over, and I had no plans of ever returning to it. Branch could consider himself an only child from now on. The damage was irreconcilable.
After I regained enough courage, I placed the pen down to another fresh piece of paper.
Branch,
I’m not writing this to apologize. You don’t deserve that.
All of this could have been avoided had you told us the truth from the beginning. What kind of brother purposely keeps the two people he cares the most about apart? How could you look yourself in the mirror after that? Didn’t you know that one day we’d talk about it? Did you think she’d never tell me?
You can be mad at me forever, I frankly don’t give a damn. You took everything from me. You ruined my life. I hope that helps you sleep at night because I can’t close my eyes for a second without thinking about her. I’m not going to argue about loving her more than you do. It’s obviously the truth, because I’d never lie to her, not even for my own benefit. I love her enough to lose her.
Live with that, Branch. Dwell on the fact that you alone made this happen. I’ll never forgive you for making me believe that she never loved me and taking my future that I could have shared with her and destroying it.
Until you take your last breath I hope you suffer because I know it won’t even compare to the pain that I’ve already endured.
Brooks
After I’d mailed out both letters, I found refuge back in my bunk. I laid there, staring at the ceiling, replaying every part of my life that led me to this point. I was a ticking bomb, just waiting to detonate. Kat may as well have decapitated me in that hotel room because I came out of there in pieces.
Two weeks later my group had gotten their first assignment. We were doing recon in a dilapidated little town. Concrete buildings had been blown to smithereens. Remnants of humanity were scarce, and even the sight of a stray dog couldn’t make it any less surreal. It was the first time I’d ever experienced the silence of death. It terrified me, snapping me back to a new world; one that existed without love.
The unnerving feeling that overwhelmed me would stick with me. Seeing my first dead body did me in.
We’d entered a standing building. Though rubble surrounded the area, this place was intact. It was obvious that the person had been ambushed. The female was holding a basket full of rotten fruit. Her arms were clung to it as if she was trying hard to scrape up enough means to survive until help came. Shot point blank in the temple, her head was leaning to one side. Behind was another body. At first we assumed it was also a deceased victim. Just as another ranger turned to check our surroundings, it moved. We rushed over to the little body, more bone than skin. Her little eyes were sunken in, and she was unconscious. I watched that soldier carry her back to the vehicle to get her medical attention. She couldn’t have been more than ten. While my adrenaline kept me on my feet, I watched the medic struggling to revive her. By the time we returned to base, she was gone. That little girl never had a chance. God only knows how long the child had been without food. I’d come to the conclusion that her mother must have stolen it for them to eat. Just as they prepared to give their bodies nutrients, someone came in and murdered her. The child, an innocent victim, was left to starve to death, next to her mother’s corpse.