I leaned down and kissed her, fighting back the tears as I pulled away. “Hurry back to me. We’ve got forever to spend together.”
Perhaps I should have stopped her, or pleaded for reasons why she should stay. Maybe I could have followed her to assure she’d come back to me. I think in my mind I pictured her realizing that walking away was a mistake. I kept telling myself that I was imagining the worst because we were so close to having it all.
I didn’t want to be right, not this time. I refused to accept that she was about to walk away from me, not when she knew what it was like to experience what we’d shared. I wasn’t alone in what happened between us. Everything was mutual, and I was sure she loved me, yet couldn’t begin to fathom how she could run from the idea of us having a future.
The longer I waited, the more I knew she wasn’t going to return. After nearly twenty minutes I knew I had to go find her, to talk some sense into her and show her we could deal with my parents together, as a team. She’d never have to be alone. I’d stand by her, protect her, and make sure she never needed a reason to fear anything ever again. I was determined to make her concerns dissipate. I was prepared to face my brother again, and anyone else that was going to try to stop me.
By the time I made it to her room a group of people were already standing there. Branch, my parents, and a hotel employee looked at me while I approached. I thought about turning around to avoid the look on their faces. It would have been easier to hide my uncertainties, not that it would make it any better.
“What’s going on?”
Branch pointed in my direction. “Where is she, Brooks?”
I tried to keep composure as I imagined where else she could be beside her room. “I don’t know. She left after you did.”
“Yeah right. If you’re planning on coming here to get her things, you’re too late. The room is empty.”
I turned to look at both of my parents, who were clearly devastated that I’d had a part in this happening. “I’m sorry,” escaped my lips. Feeling their disappointment was a burden I’d live with forever. On top of Kat missing, I had to deal with the fact that they’d be left to pick up the pieces. They’d have to make the announcement and send everyone packing.
“Brooks, maybe you should just go,” my mother suggested, while she sobbed against my father’s shirt. “You can’t be here when everyone finds out. Just go find Katy. We can all talk about it tonight at the house.” The fact that she was asking me to find Kat struck me as peculiar. Why wasn’t Branch designated to locate her?
I nodded, refusing to look at my brother as I turned with intentions of checking the roof. She had to be up there, hiding until she knew everyone was gone. What she didn’t realize was that my parents loved her too. Even without a marriage certificate, she’d always be family. They wouldn’t push her away for making a mistake, or realizing the truth before it was too late. Sure, they’d be angry, and hurt, but they were forgiving people, and I was their son too. Even if Branch was hurting, they’d want to make sure to help us find resolution.
I think I’d built up the possibility of walking out onto that roof and seeing her there. I thought about what I would say, and how long it would take me to pull her into my welcoming arms. I prepared to tell her we’d be okay, and I’d find a way to make my trip to Afghanistan as short as possible, just so I could get back to her. I wanted her to know that this was going to be a new beginning for the both of us. We could make it work because our love had stood the test of time.
Except Kat wasn’t on the roof. I checked every corner, calling out her name to have it echo off the neighboring buildings. She was nowhere in sight. Just as I’d feared when she’d left my room, Kat was gone. Kat had run from the pain, and the truth. She’d ripped me apart, leaving me to face the facts that I wasn’t worth the fight. Love wasn’t enough for Kat to want to be with me and that alone shattered me.
By the time I made it back to my room I’d busted my fists, cried until my throat was numb, and lost all sense of reality. I’d tried to call her, getting the voicemail every single time. Nothing mattered. For the longest time, I peered over the edge of the building, wondering if my demise would take away the pain. I couldn’t handle being without her, wondering where she was, or the fact that she didn’t want me.
On the floor was an envelope addressed to my name with my room number. I picked it up and pulled out a letter, recognizing the handwriting immediately.
Dear Brooks,
This letter means that I broke my promise to you. I had to walk away from this before I had to look them all in the eye and admit what I’ve done. I couldn’t stay and face the consequences. I know I’m a coward and that a part of you will never forgive me for this.