“Please stop.” She said.
“Stop what? Stop feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t man enough to fight for what I wanted?” I wanted to hear it from her lips.
Kat started pacing around my room, going in one direction, only to turn and head in another. She was waving her hands around as if she were having a private conversation with herself. “What are you talking about?”
Just then the door opened. Branch was standing there, and it was obvious he was surprised to see us in the middle of a heated discussion. “Hey, I was wondering where you two were. Mom needs us to get the grill going. Dad had to run out for the cake.”
“I’ll give you a hand, bro.” I didn’t look at Kat when I left the room, nor did I mention what we were discussing to my brother. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I had my answer even if she was too ashamed to admit it.
When I came back into my room, probably about fifteen minutes later, I found Kat sitting on my bed. She’d obviously been crying the whole time and prying through my things. In her hands was my art book, and she was flipped to a page that revealed one of my most exquisite pieces. I didn’t need to take a picture into class to copy from, and I certainly hadn’t asked her to model. I had her memorized. It was even possible that I could draw the woman with my eyes closed.
As soon as she noticed me entering the room she came at me, shoving the drawing against my chest, “How long have you been in love with me, Brooks?”
I smiled. “That question isn’t going to get answered.”
Not knowing where my brother could be, I tried to walk away from her. She grabbed me, pulling me back to be facing her. From the look in her eyes I knew it was about to get very serious, but I couldn’t have predicted what she was going to tell me. Once again she’d left me speechless. “I would have picked you, and you know it. So I need an answer. How long?”
It was gut-wrenching, hearing her truthfully coming to grips with what could have been. The burning in my eyes let me know that I couldn’t keep holding my feelings from her. I’d waited all this time, protected her, because I thought it’s what she needed. This was my chance to come clean. “I’ve loved you for as long as I could remember.”
Kat’s face scrunched up as she began to cry heavily. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re going to be happy with Branch. He loves you. I’ll be out of the picture and it will get easier. The distance between us will help.” I was attempting to convince myself.
Kat kept shaking her head, as if she was in denial.
I couldn’t resist. My lips were on her forehead, leaving her with a reminder that even space couldn’t make me forget about her. “Just remember that you were my first.”
Kat looked into my eyes and grinned. “I’ll never forget our first kiss, Brooks.”
It wasn’t until she began to leave the room that caused me to clarify exactly what I meant. “I wasn’t just talking about a kiss, Kat.”
Her body spun around. “Huh?”
“September 11th, for the past two years. I’m surprised you didn’t know, being as I’ve always been there for you on that day, because unlike my brother, I never could sleep that night knowing you were so upset.”
It took a couple seconds for it to all sink in. Then I watched her composure change. I knew what was coming, so I prepared myself for the blow. “You…oh God. You.”
She covered her mouth and started backing away, but I refused to let her. I closed in on her, breaking the distance between us, while whispering so no one else could hear. “I waited until the perfect moment to have you for myself. You had to be my first Kat, and I knew it was the only way it could happen.”
I watched her haul ass out of my room. She slammed her bedroom door shut, and I didn’t bother going after her. The noise alone would have caught everyone’s attention. Not wanting to draw the curiosity to the both of us, I closed my own door and retreated back to my bed.
Nearly twenty minutes later she came barging back inside without knocking. Her finger pointed in my direction, and I’d honestly never seen her so pissed. “Don’t come visit me in college, Brooks. You’re right, I need to be away from you so that I can be happy with Branch. We don’t need you trying to push us apart. And as far as those two nights go, that goes to your grave with you. I won’t lose Branch over this.”
I spent my last night at home all alone. I think my parents assumed that I wanted space. Perhaps they thought I was packing, or resting. In reality I was a freaking mess. Kat hated me, and I felt like I couldn’t live with myself. I’d known the repercussions before acting out, and overlooked them anyway.