“Here you go.” He handed her a glass of beer.
“Thank you.”
He sat down right next to her, draping his arm along the back of the sofa, and making her feel as if he had his arm around her. “Remember how we used to watch movies at Pop and Nana’s,” Pete said, “and she would bring us soda, telling us we were the only ones she allowed to drink in her living room?”
“Yeah,” Libby chuckled. So many memories…
“And she acted like soda was part of some sort of prohibition, getting skittish when Mom picked us up and asked what we’d been up to. She was always uneasy about giving us too many treats.”
“Nana was a funny lady.” She could feel the tips of his fingers on her shoulder. She didn’t want to look, but it felt almost like a caress. Please don’t put me in this situation, she thought. I don’t have the strength to push you away anymore. She began to rationalize: Pete was someone she’d known a very long time—like family; that’s why they could be snuggled up under a blanket drinking beers together into the night, right? Whatever chemistry she was feeling was because of their long history together, nothing more—right? She kept repeating it, attempting to convince herself.
Trying to stop thinking of Pete, she let her mind wander to Anne and the letter from Mitchell. Was there really such a thing as a perfect relationship? She welcomed the doubt that was sneaking in because it helped her validate moving away from Pete. She only had a matter of days, and she’d need all the help she could get because there wasn’t a bone in her body that wanted to leave him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The first thing Libby felt was soft cotton on her face. Whatever she was sleeping on was moving almost in time with her own breath. Suddenly she became aware of her limbs, tangled up, a hand on her side, the all-too-familiar scent at her nose. She opened her eyes. The sun coming off the bay was nearly blinding through the window as she blinked, trying to register where she was. Pete stirred on the sofa under her.
The night had been so enjoyable, he’d said last night, that he wanted her to stay a little longer. She remembered talking and Pete putting on another movie, but then she had no memory, so she must have fallen asleep.
For a while he didn’t open his eyes, but she wondered if he was awake. His arms were wrapped around her, his head above hers just slightly. With one tiny movement, she could twist her body and be face to face with him. At that moment, though, she just shifted her eyes to see his face from her resting spot on his shoulder.
Pete touched her face, his finger trailing down her cheek, so she turned over and faced him, propping herself up on his chest. “Good morning,” she said. He smiled but didn’t say anything. “Do you remember falling asleep?” Her hair fell forward into her face and he tenderly tucked it behind her ear. She knew that look he had in his eyes. She knew what he was thinking. No matter how old they were, that look was exactly the same. It was the same look he’d given her when she’d told him, back in high school, that she didn’t want to date anyone else; it was the same look he’d had whenever she’d told him she loved him.
Right away, her mind went to the new job, the apartment waiting for her. She couldn’t make leaving harder than it was. Seeing him like that was killing her. There was no way to leave nicely once they’d gone to that place. She didn’t want to leave on bad terms; she didn’t want to hurt him again. “Pete… I need… I have to go.” She pushed herself up, the blanket falling to the floor. “I’m sorry I fell asleep last night,” was all she could get out. Her thoughts, once again, were racing through her mind, making it difficult to pinpoint the words for what she wanted to say. She wished she hadn’t stayed and they hadn’t woken like they had. It was too intimate, too much like it had been so many years ago.
She had everything she’d worked for her entire life right in the palm of her hand. She couldn’t give up everything she’d accomplished for a gut feeling. Her mother’s life kept flashing before her like a neon sign. She saw her mother’s red eyes, her fake smile. She knew what would happen if things didn’t go as planned, and one thing Libby knew about herself was that she was a planner. She couldn’t afford anything to go awry. She had to follow her mind, not her heart. It was the only way. She couldn’t stay. It didn’t make any sense.
“Morning!” Pop came in and sat down between them on the sofa, smiling as he looked back and forth between the two of them. “I feel great today!” It made both Libby and Pete laugh despite the heaviness of their thoughts.