Love Me for Me(41)

“Why are you getting so edgy over this?” He took a step closer, his brows pulling together, his head tilted to the side. Even that irritated her for some reason.

“I just think that you don’t know me anymore, Pete,” she said quietly. “You think you do, but you don’t. How do you know what I’m like?” she heard her voice rising, and she pulled it down to a more respectable level. Why was she so aggravated all of a sudden? She knew why. He was judging her. Just because she’d gone away didn’t mean she didn’t want the same things that everyone did.

“You’re right. I don’t know you,” he said and walked away.

Her whole body stung with agitation, her hand shaking around her water glass. The situation was frustrating. Pete hadn’t done anything wrong; he’d only been lovely to her, considering what she’d done to him. What was wrong with her? The whole situation put her in a bad place, and she wasn’t herself. She didn’t want to yell at Pete, and he didn’t deserve that, but she was on edge there all the time, and the slightest thing would set her off because she knew she’d ruined everything by what she’d said before she left, and she feared that she’d never get herself back together. Most of all, she feared that she’d get stuck there like her mother, and her mother had made it quite clear as she was growing up what being stuck there felt like.

“You okay?” Jeanie interrupted her thoughts.

She looked up at the sky in an attempt to calm herself down. “No.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Want a drink?”

She needed to get out of her head. She needed to loosen up. “Yep.”

“There’s my girl! We’ll have you dancin’ by the end of the party!”

Jeanie got Libby a glass of wine just as Pop called out that lunch was ready. She could hear the strumming of the guitar coming from the amplifier near the beach, and a couple of guys dressed like the caterer were taking silver dishes down to the tables. Libby and Jeanie followed the crowd, sitting at an empty table. It was nearly noon now and the wind had died down to a light breeze, just enough to relieve her of the sun’s intense rays.

Helen sat down at their table. “Feel like hosting the Birthday Girl?” she asked, her sweet face revealing her resemblance to Pete. She set her glass onto the table.

“We’d love to!” Jeanie said.

Pete walked by and Helen hooked him with her arm. “Sit by your mama, son. It’s my birthday so you have to do what I say,” she teased. He smiled and pulled out the chair beside Libby, although he didn’t look in her direction.

She’d upset him, she could tell. Libby didn’t want to hurt him again, and seeing him pull away from her—even subtly—made her tense. They’d been doing so well. They’d been able to enjoy each other without their history coming up. It was there, though, and she knew they both were aware of it. She shouldn’t have snapped at him.

Pop came not long after Helen and plopped down beside his daughter. “This looks like a fine bunch. How’s everyone? Pete, don’t look like you just lost your puppy, young man. Perk up!”

“Can we save a place for my mom?” Libby asked, looking down at her phone to be sure she hadn’t texted again. “She’s on her way.”

“Of course!” Helen said, her bright smile etching very fine lines around her eyes.

Pete was looking out over the bay. Everyone was taking their seats and settling in with the people around them. Libby leaned toward the table as if attempting to view what Pete was seeing, but really just trying to get his attention. She felt awful for snapping at him. Being there, she was so unhappy, and it made her do and say things she shouldn’t. She could hear Jeanie making small talk with Helen, but she wasn’t listening to their words. She was hoping Pete would turn toward her, hoping he’d forgive her yet again for her actions.

“There’s this diner where I like to go and have coffee,” she said, bumping him with her shoulder. He turned around and looked at her. “The diner, it has just regular coffee, the kind you would brew at home, and white mugs. It doesn’t have anything special and the food isn’t great, but it has a window that overlooks a busy side street, and I love to watch all the faces walk past me. I wonder about them: who they are, where they’re going.”

The sun illuminated the gold flecks in the green of Pete’s eyes as he continued to look at her. He was clearly waiting for some explanation of why she’d chosen to tell him this.

“I’m not high and mighty all the time like you think I am. I enjoy the pace of the city, certainly, but I like to take time out and enjoy what’s around me too. Relaxing doesn’t come as easily for me as it does for you—I’ve been raised to do without it. But sometimes I do want to relax a bit. I’d love nothing more than to be around people I love, a family. Just like you. It just doesn’t show all the time. I need a little practice loosening up.” She nudged him again, smiling.