Love Me for Me(35)

Throwing her head back and taking in a breath to steady herself, she shook her head. She wanted to tell someone about her predicament, but there wasn’t anyone to tell. Her mother certainly wouldn’t approve of her feelings for Pete, and Trish was so caught up in her wedding that she probably wouldn’t have time to hear her out. Jeanie would just tell her to stay and go for it. She was on her own. She had better get organized and find herself a job before things got any messier. It was only eight o’clock so she resolved to send in a few more job applications over breakfast before she took her shower.

By the time she was ready, it was nearly ten o’clock. As she walked outside, a wad of Trish’s bridal shower envelopes in her hand, she met Jeanie on the sidewalk next to her car.

“Hey there! You look nice,” Jeanie said with a grin. “Ready?”

“I suppose, ” she said, dropping her house keys into her handbag. She slipped Trish’s invitations into the mailbox and lifted the flag. “A friend’s bridal shower invitations,” she explained, noticing her curiosity. Just the mention of Trish caused a pang of homesickness. “Where are we going?”

“Pete’s.”

“What for?” She could feel energy zing through the palms of her hands, causing unsteadiness in her fingers. She both wanted to see him and run away from him at the same time. Libby knew that spending more time with Pete was not advisable because they were never going to work out their differences, but it didn’t stop her from feeling like she’d explode with happiness the minute she saw his face. She opened the passenger door and got in. The salty smell of Jeanie’s cooking wafted toward her from the backseat. Nestled along the seat in back was a row of tins, each one covered in aluminum foil.

“It’s Helen’s birthday. I’m invitin’ you to the party because I need someone to help carry all the food,” she said as she started the car. “I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t want to come since everyone’ll be there.”

Libby had forgotten until now that Helen Bennett’s birthday was only a few days after hers. As much as she wanted to see Pete’s mom, Jeanie had been right. She didn’t want to have to see everyone else. She worried that people would judge her for having lost her job in New York. Or, worse, that, like Pete, they saw her as a person who thought she was better than everyone else.

“I don’t have a gift for Helen,” she worried aloud.

“You showin’ up will be gift enough, I’m sure,” Jeanie smiled.

The closer they got, the more panic slithered through her as she thought about coming face to face with all the people she was about to see.





Chapter Thirteen





It had been a long time since Libby had seen Helen Bennett. Worry had settled in her shoulders, causing them to ache. Libby could put on a good face to hide her feeling of failure, but Helen had a way about her that made Libby feel like she always knew better. About everything. When they were young, Pete and Libby would sneak off to the abandoned field down the road and walk to the water’s edge to be alone. When Helen asked where they were going, Pete would say, “We’re just going for a walk.” Helen would nod, her knowledge clear on her face.

She’d say, “Pete, you had better stay on the road during that walk,” like she knew, and Libby felt the need to obey her as if Helen were her own mother. Helen was one of those people who felt like family.

“Helen’ll be happy to see you, I’m sure,” Jeanie said as if reading her mind. She glanced over at Libby, gripping the wheel around a turn. There was something so familiar and comfortable about taking that drive with Jeanie. It took her back to another time.

The person she had been was insecure and anxious, always concerned about what her mother thought of her. She’d watched her father and his new family carry on, chipping away at her mother’s already fractured confidence. She’d had the constant burden of being perfect for her mother’s benefit, her successes inflated, her failures hidden.

As an adult, she’d learned how to be the person she’d always strived to become. She was proud of the fact that she’d traveled extensively, had a respectable job with opportunity to advance, and a great boyfriend. Growing up, her mother had measured Libby’s worth by her ability to achieve things like those, and Libby felt that she had finally arrived. Without those things, she felt lost, unsure of how to proceed. Being back home was like an indefinite waiting period when her life was put on hold.

“You’re quiet,” Jeanie noted.

Libby nodded.

“What are you thinking about?”