“I figured as much but I wanted you to know I’d like it if you did,” she pats my hand, her nervousness no longer as strong. “I know you have a life here, you have friends and Hudson’s here. But I’m worried about you.”
“I know.”
“I think you should talk to someone,” she looks down at her hands. “We’re not stupid Alice. We know you’re putting up a front. A good one but one day it isn’t going to be enough.”
She’s right of course. I’d been fooling myself believing I could continue on like the last few days. I was just too frightened to face it though. “You’re right.”
“I like Hudson, don’t get me wrong, he is a good man and he cares for you deeply, it’s just…”
“You’re afraid of me getting serious with someone after everything I’ve been through,” I cut her off, finishing the thought for her. She nods. “I’ve had the same concerns and I know they’ve been on Hudson’s mind too.”
“You’ve talked with him about this?”
“No, I’ve tried but we don’t get a lot of privacy these days.”
“I understand,” she smiles sadly, bursting the happy bubble I’d been living in. “You can come home, get your life back together and figure stuff out. If he loves you Alice, he’ll understand. Give it some thought, talk to him about it.”
“I will,” I nod, suddenly torn between my mother and Hudson. I already knew Hudson would understand because he wanted what’s best for me, even if it took me away from here. If I’m honest, I want to stay, to make a life here but only if Hudson wanted me. I couldn’t imagine living in this town, surrounded by these people, without him by my side but his obligation to me was done. His promise to protect me from Erik was fulfilled. With things cooled between us, I wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. I know he cared about me but he hadn’t said anything about love or spoken about a future. In fact, he’s never talked about the future with me. I couldn’t help wondering why. I didn’t know where we stood and I was suddenly nervous to ask.
Would he want me to stay? Or would he let me go?
Chapter 37
Hudson
Alice told me about the chat she had with her mother regarding Chicago and I felt instantly sick. I didn’t want her to go but I knew in my heart I couldn’t make the choice for her. As much as I wanted to beg, borrow and steal for her, I had to let her figure this one out on her own. I could have told her then and there how much I loved her and how much I wanted her to stay but I couldn’t do that to her. I was sure she knew what I felt for her, even though I hadn’t said the words. So I had to trust she would make the right choice for both of us.
She went to bed shortly before dinner tonight, claiming a headache but I think it had to do with the choices she was now facing. Jeanette and Missy still came by for dinner, their concern for Alice obvious. Jeanette knew Alice had told me about their talk and I couldn’t help feeling a small amount of animosity towards the woman. She had her daughter’s best interest at heart but this was the first home Alice has had in six years and she wanted her to leave it. To leave me and that didn’t sit well with me.
I wander out onto the front porch after Alice headed to bed using the cool night air to clear my head and shake off the dread I was feeling.
“You’re going to have to let her go,” Jeanette’s voice is soft, making me turn my head towards her. Her gaze is on the trees around us. She was right and I knew I would do it if Alice made the choice to go.
“I know,” panic surges through my body because I didn’t want to let her go.
“I know you don’t want to,” Jeanette’s words causing me to flinch. She places her hand on my arm in a motherly way. “I know you love her Hudson but I also know you’ll do what is right for her.”
I close my eyes, her words sinking deeper into my chest. I wanted to be selfish but I couldn’t. I conjure up a vision of Alice, her beautiful face and smile warms me. I can’t help the smile that slips into place on my lips.
Fuck, I love her.
With everything I am.
“I’m glad you do because it means you’ll always do what is best for her, even if it doesn’t seem like it is at first,” Jeanette continues. I open my eyes and look over at her. “I want to take her home Hudson, to Chicago. I think it will be good for her.”
“What did she say about it?”
“She didn’t say anything, she wanted to talk it over with you first,” she tilts her head to the side and gives me a smile. Her eyes are brimming with understanding. She knows how much I care for her daughter and she’s counting on me to right by her. “She loves you too.”