“I see you Alice and you’re wrong. You’re not the woman you think you are. You’re beautiful, kind, caring, understanding, downright lovable, even when you’re being completely unreasonable,” I kiss her temple, feeling the steady beat of her pulse against my lips. Her body shudders. “You’re not a shell. You’re not worthless. You are absolutely fucking worth it Alice. You are precious.”
“Don’t call me precious,” she says muffled into my chest. “I’m the farthest thing from it. I’m not even on the same scale.”
“Bullshit, you’re the definition of precious,” I lift her face to mine, my finger under her chin. “I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.”
“What, the groveling weakling in your motel closet?” She snorts in disgust.
“No, that was the first time I saw you,” I move her head back to my chest and press my lips against her hair. “It was the day after you checked in. You opened and closed your door so quietly I almost didn’t hear you. I watched you walk down the street looking over your shoulder every few seconds, wondering what you were looking for. I waited all day for you to come back, afraid you wouldn’t.”
She finally settles in my arms and wraps her arms around my middle.
“Your eyes were always on your feet and I hated it. I wanted you to look up every time you walked by my window, to let me see them. I knew there was something special about them and I was right.”
“You’re wrong,” her voice was a sad whisper. “There is nothing special about me, not anymore. I’m a sad, hopeless case Hudson.”
“The only sad thing I see about you is the blame you insist on shouldering. None of what has happened to you is your fault.”
“It is though,” she shrugs. “I stayed with him even though everyone warned me about him and because I didn’t listen, I deserve what has happened to me.”
“We’ve been through this already, precious. You didn’t deserve any of it. Bad things happen to good people. You can’t define your self-worth based on those bad things, especially when you can’t control them.”
She looks up me. Her eyes are wide and thoughtful. Her face filled with an innocent sadness. Maybe my words were finally sinking in. “It seems we both could benefit from the wisdom of your words.”
She’s right.
A quiet peace settles over me and everything in my body stills.
I could show her. Prove how easy it is to live by my words. I could let go of the past, the guilt and the demons that haunt me. As long as she was here by my side, I didn’t see a problem trying.
“Let me help you,” I looking down her, amazed with the clarity of my feelings. I lean into to her, stopping inches from her lips. She licks hers in response and lifts up onto her toes waiting.
“Only if you let me do the same for you,” she brushes her nose against mine. My heart clenches in response. She already had helped me, far more than any person I allowed in my life. My choice was to give it all to her and I knew I could do it.
Nodding over our agreement, I softly place my lips against hers, sealing the deal.
“You know you’re precious too, Hudson,” her voice is breathy and thick.
Fuck, I swear to myself, as the words wash over me. I was never going to be able to let this woman go, no, not after she told me that.
Chapter 21
Hudson
I look down at the screen of my burner phone and cringe.
Devlin.
I wasn’t expecting a call from him for another few weeks, something was wrong. I couldn’t think of any reason why he would call me, unless my cover had been blown. I don’t know how it could have been. I was careful.
I started as a buyer, the very bottom of the barrel. When things became more comfortable, I ventured a job from my dealer. He introduced me to Devlin and from there I worked my way up the chain. I was always careful to tie up any loose ends before skipping town. They never asked where I disappeared to, which was in their best interest. The kind of work I did for them, a man needed an unknown place to lay his head. I look down at the phone again, it could also be nothing. A simple check in.
Slipping into character, I clear my throat and connect the call.
“Dev,” I try to sound surprised, which isn’t hard since it’s true.
“There’s trouble,” he rasps, his voice grave. Straight to the point, that’s him. If Dev wasn’t a bad guy, I could actually see us being friends.
“What kind of trouble,” I ask, careful not to give myself away. My gut tells me this is a personal trouble, not the family kind.
“Someone’s been asking about you,” he drawls slowly, his mouth muffled. The few times I’d met Dev in person, I noticed his chain smoking. A nervous habit but the man carried the family’s army on his back.