“Are you okay?” He asks, interrupting my thoughts. One of his hands rest on my hip, the other on my knee, caressing it with his fingers, I like feeling them on me. I nod, taking in a deep breath. “I’ve got a great cure for bad dreams.”
He stands and carries me into the kitchen, setting me down on a bar stool. I frown up at him and he smirks, “Do you like chocolate?”
My frown disappears instantly, as I lift a hand to stifle a giggle.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he says and turns to the fridge.
“I’m a girl Hudson, it’s like a universal law or something,” I smile, watching his rear wiggle back and forth in front of me. Damn, the man had a fine ass. I sigh and my mind wanders and I think about what it looks like underneath his pajama pants. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had any.”
Crap! I squeeze my eyes shut, mentally cursing myself. The words had come out more breathy than I intended. Thankfully he doesn’t notice and carries on.
“We’ll remedy that right now with extra chocolate,” he closing the refrigerator door, milk and chocolate mix in hand. He pulls two glasses down from the cupboard and proceeds to makes chocolate milk. I watch him work, hypnotized by the way his muscles shift and strain under his white shirt. His red flannel pants hang low at his hips, showing off his perfect V, they pool at his feet, which are bare. His toes peek up at me from underneath.
He flicks his eyes up from his task and smiles.
“Enjoying the view?” he’s grinning at me from ear to ear. I blush so deep my skin feels hot. He caught me checking him out and I was completely guilty of it. I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. He stops stirring and he leans in toward me, I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face. “It’s okay, I know I’m sexy.”
“Wow, ego much?” I lift an eyebrow, leaning in to him, only diverting my attention last second to the glass of chocolate milk next to him. I pull back with a smirk, noticing the way his eyes have darkened.
“What can I say?” He steps back, holds out his arms and breaks into song and dance, gyrating his hips. “My milkshake brings all the girls to the yard...”
Chocolate milk sprays out of my mouth and nose, as I choke and sputter, in between fits of laughter. Thankfully Hudson had been smart enough to move out of the splash zone before breaking into his song and dance.
Did he really just do that?
I’m not used to seeing a man laugh, unless it’s for purely maniacal reasons. But seeing him like this, joking around, being comfortable enough to laugh at himself with me was refreshing. Experiencing him like this only makes it harder for me to fight my growing feelings. Why couldn’t we have met earlier in life when I could’ve been what he deserved?
“I love the sound of your laughter,” he says breaking me out of my thoughts and ruining the moment. My face slackens and I swallow hard. “It’s like a beautiful song.”
I shift uncomfortably and look down at my hands, my fingers twitch, faster than usual. The music strains in my head. Not the usual concerto this time. Something new, one I hadn’t thought about in a long time, one special for him. Rapid and woeful, just like our time together. Music has always been a shield for me, helping me to cope during moments of distress. While I was not distressed this time, I was being tortured with my thoughts. It wasn’t good to want something I couldn’t have.
I stand up, forgetting my chocolate milk and walk into the living room. He’s inspired me to feel things, to want them and I didn’t know how to cope with it. I haven’t had to worry about my own wants and needs for a long time. Someone else had done it for me. Erik controlled everything and as time went by, I learned my wants and needs didn’t matter. In a sense they still didn’t matter, since nothing would ever be more than it was now between Hudson and I.
“Did I say something wrong?” I feel him behind me, his body inches away when I stop in front of the mantle.
“I’m no good for you Hudson,” I study the photos in front of me. I know them by heart now but they have becoming a comforting sight. They remind me of happier times in my own life, before Erik. Times I never thought were good until I didn’t have them anymore.
“Let me be the judge of that,” he says softly and I feel him move in closer, the heat of his body radiating along my back. I pray he doesn’t touch me. I won’t be able to keep it together if he touches me.
“I can’t,” I whisper trying to push down the bubble of words in my chest. Fuck, I’m not ready to ruin everything but he’s not giving me much choice. “Do you want to know what I dream about Hudson?”