It was too much. All of it.
I saw what Hudson wanted me to see. I may not be trapped in the closet under the stairs but Erik still controlled me. I was still his puppet.
Chapter 20
Hudson
Her screams wake me from a dead sleep. I jump out of my chair and move towards the bedroom. Something was wrong.
Alice.
I was moving faster than anticipated. So, when I twisted the knob and pushed and the door open, it didn’t budge, causing me to smash face first into it.
“Son of a b--” I howl, seeing stars. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I check to see if it’s busted. The door opens with a whoosh and a small mass of woman slams into me knocking me down onto my ass. I reach for her, tucking her to my front, softening her fall.
Alice.
“What the--” she sits up and pushes her dark hair out of her sleep riddled face. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I chuckle, the throbbing in my nose subsiding.
“No you’re not, you’re bleeding,” she stands and offers her hand. I take it, using the moment to pull her into me. I need to feel her near. She tries to pull away but I refuse to let go. She shoots me a look and rolls her eyes, yanking away from me this time. I follow her to the bathroom, trying to ignore the sway of her ass as we go. She motions for me to set while she wets a washcloth.
“I’m fine,” I repeat, with what I hope looks like a smile. I’m not entirely sure what she sees but I know my voice wavers, thoughts of her ass in my hands puts me on edge. She presses a cool wet cloth to my nose, pulling my thoughts away from less than chivalrous things. She furrows her brow concentrating on my wound. She doesn’t like seeing me hurt. “It doesn’t hurt.”
“You smashed into the door pretty hard,” she looks at me guarded.
“Not going to lie, that didn’t feel good,” I smirk.
“What were you doing?” She rinses the washcloth again. I know there wasn’t much to clean up but she keeps her hands busy hanging the cloth to dry. She turns to me, cocks her hip out and waits.
Her hair’s a mess, like usual, but its new length gives her the sex hair effect. The sight causes my dick to spring to life. I shift trying to hide my growing attraction. She’s wearing a pair of shorts and a white tank that leaves nothing to the imagination. Damn, she looked good on our date, all glammed up, but this was a whole different level. She looks sexy as fuck right now.
“I was coming in to check on you,” I explain, trying not to picture her looking any better than this moment with swollen lips, flushed skin and liquid eyes. She rolls her eyes and places her hands on her hips, pushing her chest out. Fuck, don’t do that! My cock twitches and my mouth flounders to speak. “You were screaming.”
I regret my words as her demeanor immediately changes. I’ve heard every nightmare she’s had, even the small ones, since she’s been with me. This one was different though. She’s never screamed like that before. I never said anything to her about them because I didn’t want to cross a line. I even warned Missy the night she stayed with her. Whatever these nightmares were about, I knew it had to do with her time as Erik’s captive.
“I’m okay,” she breaks the silence, peeking up at me from underneath her lashes. Fuck! I loved when she did that.
“You can talk to me, precious,” I catch her hand with my mine, lacing our fingers. She nods, her eyes are on me but her thoughts are somewhere else.
*****
Alice
I want to tell him. Everything. All of it. But I’m not ready to see the disgust in his eyes when he looks at me. I know it will be there.
“They’re nightmares, aren’t they?”
I nod, unable to find my voice. I need to talk about them, to get them out, but they would change everything.
Shit!
“Do you have them often?” he asks and I look up at him. He sees the worry in my face and stands, lifting me up into his arms. He carries me to the living room, settling us onto the couch. I curl into him.
“I haven’t had them like that since coming here with you,” I watch my finger run along his chest, tracing random shapes into his skin. His arms tighten around me, grounding me to him. “You woke me before...it got too bad,” it was only a partial lie, he did wake me but not before things got bad. I didn’t want to tell him though. He’d ask questions I wasn’t ready to answer. If he knew what my dreams were filled of, surely I’d lose him.
Can’t lose what isn’t yours to begin with, my heart aches from the truth in those words. He wasn’t mine and he never would be. As much as I want him, I can’t put him through the shit storm that is my life. He deserved so much more than I could give him. It’s bad enough he’s as involved as he is now. If Erik ever found out about him, no, I couldn’t think like that. I knew how to deal with Erik and I would do whatever needed doing to keep Hudson safe from him.