“Sex is for men, not women,” she says, her voice robotic and devoid of all feeling. “Women are put on the earth for the pleasure of men and when it’s time, bear them children.”
I’m literally speechless when she finishes. I don’t know what to say and I really need something to say in response. She isn’t looking at me again and quite frankly I’m glad she isn’t. I would hate for her to see the thoughts rolling across my face.
Does she really believe this?
“You’re kidding right?”
She shakes her head. Her fingers start to twitch to the rhythm in her head.
Son of a bitch!
This is him, speaking through her. This is his doing—his conditioning. He fucked with her head and made her believe this. My stomach drops, I can taste the tang of bile as it rises up in my throat.
Enough was enough.
“Alice, look at me,” I command. She does without hesitation. I search her eyes and there are no words for what I see. The woman staring back at me isn’t Alice, at least not the Alice I know. She’s his girl, the one he broke, the one he pieced back together in his image. I lift my hand to her cheek wanting to bring her back. My brain is works overtime trying to figure out what words I need to use to bring my Alice back.
My Alice.
When did that happen?
“Precious, where are you?” I whisper, stroking her cheek with my thumb. She looks at me with absolute trust and it scares me. I can’t help where my mind goes. She looks so young, so innocent. How many had taken advantage of her in this state? How has she survived for so long?
“I’m right here,” she says with a smile, one that makes my stomach turn.
“No, you’re his Alice right now,” I know I sound cold and disgusted, which honestly is how I feel. I don’t try to hide it from her. She flinches as my words hit their target. She leans back and shakes her head. I can see the fog slowly lift from her dazed expression. Her eyes meet mine and I can physically see her transform back into the woman I’ve come to know. I can’t help but admire how quickly she regains composure.
Yes, my Alice is back.
“What did he do to me?” her voice wavers and she stares down at her hands. I reach for them, lacing our fingers together. “He...he broke me, didn’t he?”
“No,” I tell her confidently. “He didn’t break you,” I hold her tightly against me. “Broken means destroyed and you baby, are far from destroyed.”
“How did I let this happen?” She says asks herself.
“You weren’t given a choice.”
She shakes her head in disagreement.
“They tried to warn me but I didn’t listen. I should have listened. I walked away from everyone, for him. I chose him.”
I pull her face to mine, “You didn’t choose to be abuse.”
“I married him,” she stands up and I follow, I need to keep her close to me. “I fucking married him,” self loathing rolls off of her in waves. Her pain hits me deep inside. I want to take this away from her but I don’t know how. How could I? I didn’t even know how to deal with my own shit.
“I knew,” she whispers and the words send chills down my spine. She was on the verge of giving it all to me, I could tell and instead of turning away I reached for her. Pressing her back to my front, I snake an arm around her. “There was a rumor about him, liking things...rough. A close friend of mine had a coworker who’d gone out with him. It wasn’t pretty. Two black eyes, a busted jaw and a few cracked ribs. She didn’t press charges, so I didn’t think it was what they said it was. We were together for almost a year. He never hurt me. He never raised his voice at me, we hardly ever fought. I was a virgin when I met him and he never pressured me for sex. He did everything a decent and good man would do.”
“Monsters hide in plain sight. You never know they’re there until it’s too late,” I tell her but she doesn’t hear me.
“I knew the wedding wasn’t real,” she stiffens against me. I frown, of course she knew, I told her as much. She gazes ahead of her, staring at nothing. It was almost like she was watching the memory play out before her. “He told me one night, during a particularly intense session. I asked him how he could do such cruel things to the woman he supposedly loved, the woman he made his wife. He laughed at me, pressed me into the wall by the throat, cutting off my air. Right before I blacked out, he released me from his hold and I crumbled to the floor gasping for breath. He found my desperation to understand him amusing and so he told me everything. The pleasure he got from telling me was sickening.”