She doesn’t respond because she’s frozen. I can see the thoughts crossing her face, the fire raging in her eyes. She’s turned it inward now, battling whatever demon controls her. She wants her voice back and I can see the fight for it burning bright within her. Her hand reaches up and slams into my chest as she tries pushing me out of her way but I don’t budge. No, she doesn’t get to say enough this time. I was going to make her use her voice one way or another.
“Use it,” I bring her wrists down to her sides, holding them in place. “You want me to move? You want me to let you go? Use your voice to tell me.”
She grunts and bucks, trying to find a way out of my hold. There isn’t one. I can see the tears well up in her eyes when she looks up at me but I ignore them. I continue to restrain her but I push even further, pinning her body to the door with my own. It’s a threatening move but I have to find a way to break his hold over her.
“I’m not going to let you go until you use it Alice,” she relaxes against me. I think she might be giving in finally, so I give her what she wants and loosen my hold on her. She takes advantage of the moment and twists her body just right, freeing herself of my grasp. She bounds down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door behind her.
Hell no!
I follow hot on her heels. Throwing open the door, I cross the room in three strides but the room is empty. I hold my breath, straining my ears for any sound. I hear it, her breath, coming from the closet. I throw open the door to find her sitting with her knees tucked into her chin.
Bullshit!
I lean down and scoop her into my arms and carry her into the living room. I refuse to let her victimize herself right now, hiding away in a closet. No more. She puts up a fight in my arms but I’m stronger and she knows it, which is why she goes slack, morphing into dead weight.
Nice try.
“You’re not going to hide from this anymore,” I set her down on the couch and she tries to stand immediately. I push her back down realizing this isn’t going to work and I need a new plan. She needs to push through the darkness to find her voice again and I need to find a way to make her do it. I realize as she flinches from my touch, I was going about this the wrong way.
Fuck it!
I let go of her instantly, sitting back on my heels. My head spins with my new plan. I don’t want to see her like this. I don’t want to watch her give in to the darkness again. I refuse to bear witness to this madness anymore.
“You want to run and hide? Fine, go. I’m not going to hang around anymore, watching him control you. I’m done,” I turn and walk towards the door, my hand is on the knob when I hear it.
I freeze, waiting for it, unsure of it.
She says it again.
“Don’t go.”
Chapter 18
Alice
“Don’t go,” the words bubble in my chest and out of my mouth. My voice is meek, barely audible but I know he heard me since he’s stopped moving and stands in front of the door, frozen.
“Hudson,” his name falls from my lips. I want to wrap my arms around him, to beg him to stay. But I don’t. I can’t. “Please, don’t go.”
My pleas are joined with fresh tears and my body begins to tremble. I reach for the arm of the couch beside me, needing the extra support to remain upright. My other hand wipes at the wetness on my cheeks and I peek up at him from under my lashes. He’s still frozen in the doorway, his back to me.
After a lifetime, he turns finally and my heart skips a beat. His eyes glisten with unshed tears and for a moment I stand dazed by the sight of him. His anger is gone, fully dissipated. Replacing it is a longing, an unspoken hope.
“Tell me it wasn’t my imagination,” his is voice thick with emotion, his eyes search my own.
“Hudson,” I repeat, feeling a surge of courage. I take a step towards him. He closes his eyes, his breath catches in his chest. Seeing him this way, so affected by the sound of my voice, I’m not sure what to do. I want to make this right, to show him I’m not the lost little girl he thinks I am.
“Say it again,” his voice still thick, his hands flex, sporadically, in and out making a fist. If I didn’t know how any better, I would have thought he felt the same nervous energy I felt. Maybe this wasn’t real. Maybe it was a dream and we’d wake up at any moment. He opens his eyes focusing onto my face, carefully taking measure of my reaction. My nerves turn into steel.
“Don’t go,” I wish I could say more but my mind and my mouth fail me, trapping me in a loop like a broken record.
“My name, precious. Say my name,” he breathes in deeply and steps toward me. I’m stunned by his smoldering eyes. He sets fire to my skin with his stare.