Lost Rider(57)

I swipe at the wetness under my eyes and keep my silence, letting him say everything he needs to say. Having him opening up like this, letting me in, and showing me a part of him that I know brings him pain has me nervous that one sound or movement might break the spell. My heart continues to break with each word he speaks, but even through that, understanding why he left goes a long way to ease the pain I’ve carried around like some stupid scar since.

“I found my mama, you know. What a mistake that was. She was so strung out on booze and drugs. She had no clue who I was. She thought I was someone lookin’ to score some ass for a couple bucks. It took me almost nine hours to get her coherent enough to even hold a conversation that made a little sense. The second she realized who I was, she just put it all out there. How I was a mistake from one night of fun. She got that taste of the high life and couldn’t think of anything else. Stuck around, but even I’m not sure how she did that and still managed to bring Quinn into this world. The second Quinn was in school, though, she was gone. I still can’t wrap my mind around the woman I saw as my mama bein’ the same one wasted out of her mind on the streets. She’s done so much damage to herself that she might as well be a vegetable.”

“Where is she now?” I ask, my throat thick with emotion. He gives a little jolt of shock, almost like he had forgotten I was there. His silence continues as he looks into my eyes, and I silently curse myself for speaking and halting his train of thought.

“In California,” he tells me in a sad tone. “She requires constant care now and will remain at the long-term-care facility until she dies. Last I checked she had a grocery list of health issues that wasn’t getting any shorter. The doctors are shocked her body hasn’t shut down yet, but for whatever reason, she’s still breathin’.”

My mind fires and I know instantly, without a doubt, that he is the one taking care of her. Even after everything she did to him and his siblings, he can’t let her go. “Do you still see her?”

He shakes his head, his blazing green gaze holding me captive. “I haven’t been in a year or so. The last time I was there she had to be sedated, she got so upset. All I did was walk into her room and it was like she had seen a ghost. She went insane, Leigh. I decided it was too much, her seein’ me, so I keep my distance and make sure she’s comfortable.”

“I’m sorry, Maverick.” And I was. I hated that this was the reality for him and his family. “Clay and Quinn, they don’t know all of this, do they?” I ask.

“No. What good would it do? They don’t need to see her like that anyway. It’s not somethin’ I’ll ever be able to get out of my mind.”

“You should probably let them make that call on their own, honey.”

He had looked off in the distance again, but the second the endearment slips from my lips, he jerks his eyes back to my face, studying me. “Maybe. Something to think about,” he allows.

“Do they know? About Buford not being your real dad?”

He shakes his head. “They’re all I have left, Leigh. Admittin’ I’m not their full biological brother would change things. I just know it.”

I shift my body before reaching out and taking his large hand in mine. “It wouldn’t change a damn thing. They’re your family, regardless of the fact that you don’t share the same father. I honestly think . . . well, I think it would help them let go of their own pain from the past.”

His hand turns, shifting so our palms touch, and his fingers contract against our hold. “I’ll add that to the list to think about. How’s that?”

With a small smile, I nod.

“You gonna help me with that?”

I feel my brows turn in. “Help you with what?”

His eyes crinkle, a tiny smirk forms on his full lips. “Dealin’ with that list when the time comes.”

“Yeah, Maverick.” I sigh. “Even if I’m just there as a friend to turn to. If you need me, I’ll be wherever you need me.”

Once again, the silence grows. His eyes continue searching mine, but this time he doesn’t look pained—instead, a look of reverence is shining through the bright green depths. I know what is likely to come next, and I’m not sure how I’ll handle it. I just know I’m ready.

“Maverick?” I ask, breaking the silent tension. He raises his brow for me to continue. His grasp on my hand still held in his tightens. “Why didn’t you just tell me this? You say that you knew how I felt about you, but why was hurting me the only answer? You could have just left . . . you know, without doing that.”