Lost Rider(49)
“What? You mama wasn’t a rider, Quinn.”
“Not of horses or bulls, but she loved herself a cowboy, and a cowboy with the lights of fame in his face was the only thing she cared about.”
I gasp. “You never told me that, Q.”
She drops the now empty pie tin and looks up at me, sadness and anger swimming behind her gaze. “Because it’s better to say your mama ran off because she couldn’t handle being a mother to three kids and the life of a rancher’s wife than to admit she’s nothin’ but a slut with dollar signs in her eyes.”
“Jesus, Quinn.”
“Yeah, I know. Look, I’m over it, I just wanted you to know there’s a lot more behind Maverick than what you know. I understand you’re upset right now and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be, but I think you need to get over yourself and cowgirl up. You aren’t a quitter and honey, he’s home . . . do something about it. It isn’t too late for you two.”
I make a mental note to talk to her about her mama later because it’s clear she has no interest in continuing that conversation right now. She’s as stubborn as a bull when it comes to something she doesn’t want to deal with. Quinn is an expert at avoidance.
“It’s been ten years, babe. We aren’t the same kids we were back then. We were shaky friends at best and regardless of what he’s said a lot of hurt is standing in the way of taking that friendship to something further. I love you for your optimism, but I’m not sure that it isn’t too late.” My mind quickly brings up the memory of our stolen kiss in the field between our families’ properties, the one that even now—ten years later—I haven’t told a soul about. We were so much more than shaky friends.
She studies me for a second, not giving anything away with her expression. “I understand that, but Leighton, I want to say something to you and I need you to really think about it. Don’t make a split-second decision, but really let it sink in, okay?”
“Okay,” I respond hesitantly.
“Can you honestly tell me that since he’s been home, you don’t feel like that piece of you that’s been hollow since he left isn’t starting to feel like it’s mending a little? You’ve dated, sure, but you’ve NEVER let that piece find a way to heal. My brother comes back home and not even twelve hours pass before you two are pulled back together. Regardless of what happened to fuel that, when two people are meant for each other sometimes their souls make the moves their brains are too busy analyzing in order to allow it to happen. You both use your pain as a shield to keep people out, and because of that, you’re fighting against the one person that has the power to heal every second of that pain. Stop fighting. You’re allowed to be hurt over his actions, Leighton. You should. But when you are tied to another person right down to your souls, you don’t give that kind of connection up without making sure you have all the facts, and honey, you don’t. Let him give you the full story. If you feel like what he’s done in the past is unforgivable still, then at least you can make that call with all the facts.”
“You make it sound so easy, Quinn.”
She laughs, the sound lacking any humor. “It’s not, Leigh. It’s gonna be hard and I’m sure painful, but just think, if the end means you two are together, or you finally have the closure you need to move on, well . . . either way, you can leave that purgatory you say has you held captive. But if you end up with him, just think about how sweet that is going to be when you come out on the other side.”
She gives me a sad smile, grabbing the other rhubarb pie I brought over before she walks out of the work area and into the break room where the fridge is.
Could she be right? Is opening myself up to this kind of pain worth the payout that might be waiting for me? Or what if I open myself up again, only to have my heart smashed all over when Maverick feels like this town is suffocating him again? Better yet, will I regret it if I don’t try?
I guess the better question at this point is, who is going to run first? And will that person be running toward something, or away from something else?
With my mind spinning from everything that Quinn told me today, I do the only thing that has ever been able to help when my thoughts are a maelstrom of confusion.
I rush back down Main Street and I bake.
15
MAVERICK
“Should’ve Been a Cowboy” by Toby Keith
Sitting across from Clay in the old man’s office is making my skin crawl. I hate being in here. Judging by the tension rolling off Clay, he hates it just as much as I do, but there’s work to do and this is where it needs to happen.