Lost Love (Cowboys and Angels #1)(7)

“Why didn’t you tell me Paxton was the kindergarten teacher?”

She shrugged. “You forbid me to speak about her.”

“I need to speak with you in private, Mom. Now.”

Leaning over, I kissed Chloe on the cheek. “Daddy and Grammy have to go talk grown up talk. Aunt Meli is right here okay?”

She was searching through her desk, looking for her surprise. “Okay, Daddy.”

I followed my mother out of the room and down the hall. The town of Oak Springs was small enough still that kinder through twelfth grade was on the same campus. The high school was separated by a small breezeway. When we finally came to a deserted area, I lost my self-control.

“What were you thinking? Why in the hell didn’t you warn me Paxton was the teacher? Mom! I wasn’t even sure she lived here in town!”

Pinching her brows, she placed her hands on her hips. “Do not talk to me in that tone young man. You’re the one who said no one was to talk about her. That you didn’t want to know what she was doing or where she lived. I was only going by your wishes. Now I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but you were meant to be together.”

I raked my hand through my hair. “Goddamn it, Mom. Why did you do this?”

She slapped me on the back of the head. “Do not use the Lord’s name in vain.”

I dropped my hands to my knees and dragged a few deep breaths. My emotions were all over the place. The moment I saw those eyes, my stomach dropped and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her and beg for her forgiveness. She looked at me with such hate that all I could feel was fear and regret. Guilt. Add that shit in there too. Lots of it.

Then the sadness in her eyes about dropped me to the floor. All I seemed to do was hurt her.

“Steed, I don’t know if you had a fight or what it was that caused you to run away to Oregon, but think of this as a second chance.”

I held up my hand to stop her from talking. “Mom, don’t. You have no idea what you’re trying to do.”

“You both loved each other so much. Don’t you remember the plans you two made together? You were both going to go to Texas A & M. Then move back home and build a life together. You talked about marriage and kids.”

“Please stop,” I begged.

She kept talking and my stomach cramped. I could no longer understand her words. The only thing I heard was Paxton crying.

Louder. And louder, until it became so deafening I yelled out. “Stop!”

Mom jumped. “My goodness, Steed, what has gotten into you? I think you’re tired from that drive.”

I couldn’t stop the words before they slipped from my mouth. “Did you ever think the reason I left was pretty damn big, Mom? I was gone for ten years!”

“You were being stubborn. It’s a Parker trait,” she said.

I shook my head. “No, Mom. Paxton was pregnant and lost the baby the day before graduation.”

Her eyes widened in shock and her hand clapped over her mouth.

I covered my face and let out a loud grunt before looking at her. “When she told me she was pregnant, I told her I didn’t want to be a father. That we were too young, and that it was going to ruin our lives.”

Her hand dropped to her side as she whispered, “Oh, Steed. Please tell me you didn’t ask her to—”

“No. But I told her I couldn’t be a father, which was just as bad. I avoided her for a week after she told me. Then she lost the baby, and I … I was so relieved. She screamed and yelled and told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I didn’t know what to do. Cord said she needed time.”

Anger moved across my mother’s face. “Cord knew?”

“He was the only one who knew.”

The anger on her face quickly fell to horror. “You left her alone to deal with losing your child?”

Old guilt ripped through me newly. My mother was staring at me for the first time in my life with disappointment in her eyes.

“Yes,” I whispered.

She turned away. I closed my eyes and wished like hell I could travel back in time. I’d have done things so differently. I would have held Paxton in my arms and told her everything would be okay. That we would get through it together.

Instead, I ran like a coward. I walked onto the football team at Oregon State and played for them for four years. Never once coming back to the only woman I ever loved.

“That’s why you never came home?” She turned and looked me in the eyes. I stood there in silence. “Answer me, Steed Parker.”

“I knew what I had done to her was beyond wrong. I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do…I hurt her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her glaring at me with so much hate. It was easier to stay away.”