“Paxton, wait.”
He reached for me, and I screamed. I’d never seen Steed look so scared in my life. The way he jerked his hands away with a look of horror had me wanting to tell him I was sorry. But I didn’t. “I’d never hurt you, Paxton. Ever.”
“You’ve already hurt me more than you could ever know. Please…just leave me alone, Steed. Just leave.”
My eyes snapped open and I inhaled a quick breath. The memory of that day swirled in my head. Turning, I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of rum and a Diet Coke, and made myself a drink.
The drink hit my empty stomach, making me groan. My eyes closed.
I pushed him away. I was the one who told him to leave and never come back. I never in my wildest dreams thought he would take it to heart.
When I pulled up to Paxton’s house I couldn’t help but smile. It looked like a place she would fall in love with. Paxton had always talked about owning one of the older homes in the center of town. I’d bet anything she bought it and remodeled it, bringing it back to life from an old dull farmhouse.
Turning off the truck, I ran my hand through my hair and took in a deep breath. I’d waited ten years to have this conversation, and I couldn’t get my damn hands to stop shaking.
As I stepped onto the porch, I took a quick peek around. I chuckled when I saw the two black rocking chairs. All the times we had sat on my parents’ porch and talked about our future…I couldn’t look at a black rocking chair without thinking of Paxton.
My arms felt like lead as I stared at her door. I finally pressed the doorbell. Less than ten seconds later, the door opened.
The air from my lungs was gone in an instant. The most beautiful woman in the world stood in front of me. Paxton was wearing a light blue dress that hung from her body in all the right ways. My eyes lingered on her bare feet before I dragged them back up and smiled when I saw the braid coming around the side of her head.
“Hey,” I said barely above a whisper.
I couldn’t read her eyes, but it was like she could read mine. She didn’t say a word as she turned and walked into the house. Lifting my eyebrows, I followed her in and shut the door.
“Want a drink?” she called out as she made her way to the large open kitchen. I scanned the living room as I made my way through it.
“No thanks.”
She laughed. “Well, I’m having another.”
We stopped at a large island, and Paxton poured rum into a glass followed by Diet Coke. When she downed it, my mouth nearly dropped to the floor. “You okay?” I asked.
Her eyes snapped on mine, and she slowly shook her head. “No, Steed. I’m far from okay. I haven’t been okay since you walked away from me the night of graduation.”
I swallowed hard. “I was confused, Paxton. You were telling me you hated me. You told me to leave.”
“I did hate you, and I did want you to leave.”
A tear made its way down her cheek. “Some nights when I’m alone in bed, I hate you all over again.”
“Pumpkin, I’m so sorry.”
She laughed. “So sorry for what? That you left me to deal with the loss of our child? That you didn’t care enough to come back? Or maybe that you ended up knocking up another woman, but decided she was worth sticking around for?”
Anger raced through me. “You told me it was my fault, Paxton! That you never wanted to see me again. What in the hell was I supposed to do?”
She slammed her glass on the granite counter. “Stay! You were supposed to stay goddamn it! Not leave me!”
I shook my head. “You told me to leave.”
Her lips pressed together. “I didn’t want you to leave, Steed. I was hurting and scared, and I’d just had to deal with taking myself to the hospital where I lost our baby. I had no one to talk to.”
A loud sob slipped from between her lips, and it hit me right in the gut.
She dropped her head and started crying. I moved around the island, but she held up her hand to stop me. Taking a few steps away, she looked up and I nearly fell to the ground.
Her face was soaked in tears.
“I lost her. T-then I-I lost you.”
“Paxton,” I whispered.
“Then I lost me, Steed. A part of me never came back until you walked into my classroom that night. That small…small…” She attempted to keep her sobs at bay but struggled speaking. “Th-that small part of m-me that died when you left. It came back to life and I think…that made me…hate you all over again.”
This was the reason I never came back. I was a fucking coward.
Paxton looked me in the eyes and asked, “Why didn’t you come back?”