I reach down to the button on her jeans and undo it, then begin to lower them. When I reach her feet, she just stands still. I look up at her. “I need you to step out of them, babe.”
She looks down at me and places her hands on my shoulders while I pull the jeans off her, one foot at a time. I feel her reach to my hair and brush her fingers through it. I toss her jeans aside and look back up at her. She’s shaking her head looking down at her hands, which are now moving frantically over her stomach. She’s smearing her father’s blood all over her stomach, attempting to wipe it off. She’s gasping for breath, trying to scream, but nothing’s coming out. I stand up and immediately pick her up, rushing her to the shower. I need to get this off her before she completely loses control.
I set her down in the shower and turn on the water. Once it’s warm, I close the shower curtain and pull her wrists away from her stomach. I wrap her arms around me and pull her against my chest, then turn her to where she’s standing under the stream of water.
As soon as the water splashes her face, she gasps and the clarity begins to return to her eyes.
I grab the soap and a washcloth, and rub them under the water, then turn and begin wiping the blood off her face.
“Shh,” I whisper, staring her in the eyes. “I’m getting it off you, okay?”
She squeezes her eyes shut and I diligently wash away every speck of blood from her face. When she’s finally clean, I reach behind her in order to remove her ponytail holder.
“Look at me, Sky,” I say. She opens her eyes and I rest my hand reassuringly on her shoulder. “I’m going to take off your bra now, okay? I need to wash your hair and I don’t want to get anything on it.”
Her eyes grow wide with my words and she pulls her arms through the straps of her bra, then frantically rips it over her head.
“Get it out,” she says quickly, referring to the blood in her hair. “Just get it off me.”
I take her wrists again and wrap her arms around me. “I’ll get it. Hold on to me and try to relax. I’ll do it.”
I pour the shampoo into my hands and bring it to her hair. I have to wash it several times before the water finally runs clean. Once I’m finished washing her, I begin to wash my own hair. I get what I can but without being able to see myself, I don’t know if I’ve washed away everything. I don’t want to ask her to help me do this, but I have to make sure it’s all gone. “Sky, I need you to make sure I got it all, okay? I need you to wipe away anything I missed.”
She nods and takes the washcloth out of my hands. She eyes my hair and my back and my shoulders, then finally rubs the washcloth over my ear.
She pulls the washcloth away from me and looks down at it, running it under the stream of water.
“It’s all gone,” she whispers.
I take the washcloth and toss it onto the edge of the tub.
It’s all gone, I repeat in my head.
I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes. I can feel it building. The questions. The memories. All the times I held Les at night while she cried and I had no idea what he’d done to her. No idea what she’d been through.
I hate him. I fucking hate that he got away with it for so long. He got away with what he did to Sky, to his sister, to Les. And the worst part is, he’s not alive anymore for me to even be able to kill him.
Sky looks up at me and her eyes are full of sympathy. For a second I don’t understand it, but then I realize I’m crying . . . and that she’s just as sad for me as I am for her. Her shoulders begin to shake and a sob breaks free. She slaps her hand over her mouth and squeezes her eyes shut.