I know how it feels to need air this badly. I release my hold and look her in the eyes. “Don’t run, Sky. Go outside, but please don’t leave. We need to talk.”
She nods and I help her stand up. She walks outside and into the front yard where she tilts her head back and stares up at the stars.
Up at the sky.
I watch her the whole time, wanting nothing more than to hold her. But I know that’s the last thing she wants right now. She knows I’ve been lying to her and she has every right to hate me.
After a while, she finally turns and heads back inside. She brushes past me without making eye contact and she walks straight into the kitchen. She takes a bottle of water out of the fridge and opens it, downing several gulps before finally making eye contact with me.
“Take me home.”
I’ll get her out of the house, but I’m not taking her home.
• • •
We’re at the airport now. I couldn’t think of anywhere else quiet enough to take her and I refused to take her home until she asked me everything she needs to ask me. The only thing she asked me with any sincerity on the way here was why I got my tattoo. I told her the same thing I told her last time she asked me about it; only this time I think she actually understood.
“Are you ready for answers?” I ask her. We’ve been silently watching the stars for several minutes now. I’m just trying to give her a chance to calm down. To clear her head.
“I’m ready if you’re actually planning on being honest this time,” she says, anger lacing her voice.
I turn to face her and the hurt in her eyes is as prominent as the stars in the sky. I lift up onto my elbow and look down at her.
Just a while ago I was looking down at her this same way, memorizing everything about her. When we were in that moment on my bed I was looking at her with so much hope. I felt like she was mine and I was hers and that moment and feeling would last forever. But now, looking down at her . . . I feel like it’s all about to end.
I lower my hand to her face and touch her. “I need to kiss you.”
She shakes her head. “No,” she says resolutely.
I feel like tonight is the end of us and if she doesn’t let me kiss her one more time it’ll kill me. “I need to kiss you,” I say again. “Please, Sky. I’m scared that after I tell you what I’m about to tell you . . . I’ll never get to kiss you again.” I grasp her face harder and pull her closer. “Please.”
Her eyes are desperately searching mine, possibly to see if there’s any shred of truth behind my words. She doesn’t say anything. She just barely nods, but it’s enough. I lower my head and press my lips firmly against hers. She grasps my forearm with her hand and parts her lips, allowing me to kiss her more intimately.
We continue to kiss for several minutes, because I don’t know that either of us wants to face the truth just yet. I lift up onto my knees without breaking away from her and I climb on top of her. She runs her hand through my hair and to the back of my head, where she pulls against me, urging me closer.
She begins to clench my shirt with her fists as a cry breaks free from her throat. I move my lips to her cheek and kiss her softly, then lower my mouth to her ear. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, holding on to her with my free hand. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to know.”
She pushes me off her, then sits up. She pulls her knees to her chest and buries her face in them.
“I just want you to talk, Holder. I asked you everything I could ever ask you on the way here. I need you to answer me now so I can just go home,” she says, sounding tired and exhausted. I stroke her hair and give her the answers she needs.