Lord of Shadows (The Dark Artifices #2)(225)

Emma was lying on the covers, wearing an overwashed T-shirt and pajama bottoms. She rolled onto her side and grinned at him.

An overwhelming feeling of love hit him like a punch to the chest. Her hair was tied messily back and she was lying on a rumpled blanket with a plate of pastries next to her, and he had to stop in the middle of the room for a moment and catch his breath.

She waved a tart at him cheerily. "Banoffee," she said. "Want some?"

He could have crossed the room in a few steps. Could have picked her up and swung her into his arms and held her. Could have told her how much he loved her. If they were any other couple, it would be that easy.

But nothing for them would ever be easy.

She was looking at him in puzzlement. "Is everything all right?"

He nodded, a little surprised at his own feelings. Usually he kept better control over himself. Maybe it was the conversation he'd had with Magnus. Maybe it had given him hope.

If there was one thing Julian's life had taught him, it was that nothing was more dangerous than hope.

"Julian," she said, setting the tart down and brushing the crumbs off her hands. "Would you please say something?"

He cleared his throat. "We need to talk."

She groaned and flopped back against her pillows. "Okay, not that."

Julian sat down at the foot of her bed as she cleared off her covers, setting aside the food and a few things she'd been looking at-he saw an old photograph of a girl carrying a blade that looked like Cortana, and another one of four boys in Edwardian clothes by the side of a river.

When she was done, she brushed off her hands again and turned a set face to his.

"How soon do we have to separate?" she said. Her voice was shaking a little. "As soon as the meeting is over in Alicante? What will we tell the kids?"

"I talked to Magnus," Julian said. "He said we should go to the Inquisitor."

Emma made an incredulous noise. "The Inquisitor? As in, the Council leader who enforces Laws?"

"Pretty sure Magnus knows who the Inquisitor is," said Julian. "He's Alec's dad." 

"Did he mean it as a sort of threat? Like, either we turn ourselves in to Robert Lightwood or he does it for us? But Magnus wouldn't-I can't see him doing that. He's much too loyal."

"That's not it," Julian said. "Magnus wants to help us. He remembers other parabatai like us and he-he pointed out that no parabatai have ever gone to the Clave for help."

"Because it's the Clave's Law-!"

"But that's not the problem," said Julian. "We could handle the Law. It's the curse, which is the reason the Law exists-even if the Clave doesn't know it. But we know it."

Emma only looked at him.

"Every other parabatai have feared the Law more than the curse," Julian said. "They've always either separated, left the Clave, or hidden what was happening to them until they were caught or the curse killed them. Magnus said we'd be the first, and that would count for something with Robert. And he pointed out something else, too. Robert was exiled, because he was in the Circle years ago. The exile temporarily suspended his bond with his parabatai. Magnus said Alec told him about it-that it cut their bond enough that Robert didn't even realize his parabatai was dead."

"Exile?" Emma's voice shook. "Exile means the Clave sends you away-you have no choice about it-"

"But the Inquisitor is the one who chooses terms of exile," said Julian. "Robert is the one who decided Aline could stay with Helen when she was exiled; the Clave was against it."

"If one of us has to be exiled, it'll be me," said Emma. "I'll go be with Cristina in Mexico. You're indispensable to the children. I'm not."

Her voice was firm, but her eyes were glimmering with tears. Julian sensed the same wave of desperate love he'd felt before threatening to overwhelm him and forced it back.

"I hate the idea of being separated too," Julian said, running his hand over the blanket, the rough texture comforting against his fingers. "The way I love you is fundamental to me, Emma. It's who I am. No matter how far we are from each other."

The glimmer in her eyes had become liquid. A tear spilled down her cheek. She didn't move to wipe it away. "Then-?"

"Exile will deaden the bond," he said. He tried to keep his voice steady. There was still a part of him that hated the idea of not being Emma's parabatai, despite everything, and hated the thought of exile, too. "Magnus is sure of it. Exile will do something separation can't, Emma, because exile is deep Shadowhunter enchantment. The ceremony of exile lessens some of your Nephilim abilities, your magic, and having a parabatai is part of that magic. It means the curse will be postponed. It means we can have time-and I can stay with the kids. I'd have to leave them otherwise. The curse doesn't just hurt us, Emma, it hurts the people around us. I can't stay near the kids thinking I might be some kind of threat to them."