“Okay. Thanks again,” I replied but he’d already hung up.
Great. Here I was sitting at home all alone when I could’ve right then been at Loch’s watching badass blow-‘em-up macho man flicks, probably making out hardcore with him before, during and after each movie. Instead, he was getting plastered with some woman who was almost certainly a friend-with-benefits of Ryker’s, and I cringed when I wondered if Loch had a couple of them too who he might very well invite over.
I got up off my bed, pulled back my covers then slipped in between them. Then I lay there staring at my ceiling for who knows how long going over different scenarios in my head (which was a total waste of time but whatever) of how I should’ve handled things in class last Wednesday. When I got tired of beating myself up over the real-life scenario I’d actually chosen, I reached over and turned off my light.
I got into my going to sleep position by turning onto my side but knew I wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime too soon. I also knew I had no one to blame for how things had turned out but myself.
And that sucked.
A lot.
Confession Number Nine
What seemed like only seconds after I drifted off, my eyes popped open and my breath was coming hard at the nightmare I’d just had. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I sat up leaning my back against the wall at the head of my bed as I allowed the tears to fall for a few minutes because the dream had been beyond disturbing. When I stopped crying, I went to the kitchen to get a drink.
As I stood with my butt against the counter, still sniffing from my tears, I wondered how in the heck my mind had even allowed itself to even go there.
In the dream, I’d gotten out of bed and dressed then gone to Loch’s (even though in reality I had no idea where he lived). I’d pulled up to a nice house and saw his truck parked in the drive along with several other vehicles. When I got out of my Jeep, I heard music blasting from the house and walking toward it saw the front door was open so I went inside. I was then in a dark living room that had a TV with a video game playing on it but the sound was muted. A light was coming from the hallway so I went toward it calling for Loch over the loud music. Down the hall I saw the light was coming from a room, so going to it, I pushed it open, belatedly realizing “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails was the song playing, and looking inside, just like the lyrics of the song, saw Loch having wild animal sex with the pretty blond girl he’d argued with at the Pool Party. At my gasp, he turned his head and smiled cruelly at me as he kept screwing her, his hips thrusting hard into her as she looked at me and laughed. I turned away for a moment, planning to get the hell out of there, but when I looked back at the girl I saw she’d turned into Marcy and that’s when I’d woken up.
Holy fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Definitely a cussword moment.
I finished my water then set the glass in the sink and scrubbed my hand over my face, shuddering at the memory of the nightmare and thinking Marcy would have a field day with it. But standing there, arms now crossed and rubbing my hands up and down my biceps, I’d never felt so alone in my life. Even when I’d withdrawn in middle school, I knew my family had been there. But right then, right in that very moment, it seemed as if it was just me against the world. And I hated that feeling.
I let out a sigh then walked back to my room finished with all the depressing crap. After getting in bed I looked at my phone to see it was only a quarter after midnight which meant I’d only been asleep for about ten minutes when I’d awakened from the stupid nightmare. My mind must’ve been in an awesome place to come up with what it had.
I stared at the ceiling for a bit then turned on my side, squeezing my eyes closed trying to force myself to sleep, so ready to get this night over with. And lo and behold, sleep came, beautiful, gorgeous, dreamless sleep which was then interrupted an hour later by my phone buzzing on my nightstand and lighting up my room like the bastard beacon it was.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I murmured, reaching over to grab it. “What?” I ground out upon answering it.
“Suh-leste,” Loch said drunkenly.
Oh shit.
I sat up quickly, scrunching up my face and putting my hand to my forehead feeling horrible (yet again) about how everything had gone down.
“Loch,” I whispered waiting for him to castigate me in his crocked condition.
“Y’lied.”
Yep. I’d lied. “I know and I’m sorry.”
“Why’dja do it?”
I swallowed thickly. “Because I was an idiot. I’m so sorry, Loch.”
“Should be you here… not her…”