I pushed my Pop-Tarts away having lost my appetite.
“I mean, think about it, Simone.” She huffed out a humorless laugh and shook her head. “You think you can go to his house, get all cozy with him maybe even do the deed, then walk out of there like nothing happened? Never see him again? This is Hallervan we’re talking about not UDub where you might get away with that. Are you freaking delusional?”
“Crap! You’re right,” I replied, my brain finally fricking clearing. “What was I thinking?” I stood up quickly, grabbing up my breakfast and going to the trashcan to toss it out. And, oh, joy, here came the panic. “I can’t go out with him tonight or… or ever!” Now I started pacing. “What did I think would happen? We’d fuck then just move on? I couldn’t do that because I’m a one-night-stand rookie! I couldn’t handle not talking to him again! Or just seeing him on campus! Or anywhere! And even if I tried having a one-night stand with… with… with… anyone, I know I’d bomb at it because the two guys I’ve been with, I swear I became emotionally attached to them, like, the moment their dick was inside me! I’d be a mess if I tried walking away from Loch because I wasn’t nearly as attracted to the other two like I am to him! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”
When she didn’t reply, I stopped pacing and looked at her and saw she was trying to hold in a laugh.
“What?” I hissed.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use so many bad words in one sentence before.” She let out a snort.
“This isn’t the time to be joking!” I spit out and scowled at her.
Her face sobered. “You’re right. And let me just say I’m glad you finally woke up.”
“I can’t go tonight and I’ve got to tell him why.” I looked at her. “I do have to tell him why, right?”
She chuckled. “Technically, I guess you don’t have to tell him anything.”
“Really?” That perked me up. Man, I really was a chickenshit.
She pushed off the counter with her bottom and walked past me, patting my arm on the way. “If you think it’s over with him, you can do whatever you want.”
She was right. All I had to do was call him and tell him I couldn’t go tonight nor could I see him anymore. That sounded easy.
The hard part was acknowledging the fact that it was all a big lie.
Confession Number Seven
I showered and got ready for my one-to-nine shift at Game Traders, putting on black jeans then my chartreuse (yuck) t-shirt that had, in hot pink bold font, the store name above my left boob and “You abuse them, we re-use them” on the back. I put my hair in a high ponytail then pulled on my white Cons and was out the door by a quarter to one.
I’d talked to Marcy about Adam before showering, having forgotten that there was another person in the house besides myself who had a life, and found out that she was pretty much in love.
“He’s great, Sim! He’s so sweet and considerate. And so hot! He knows what he’s doing in bed for sure. I came twice before we had actual penetration! His tongue is fucking amazing not to mention those strong fingers of his. And the size of his—”
“Okay, okay. I get it.” I clapped a hand over her mouth then rolled my eyes. “Overshare,” I warned as I removed my hand from her mouth only to see her smirk. I mean, I guessed if I wasn’t having sex at least she could indulge. I just didn’t need to hear all the lurid details.
“Let’s just say I’m definitely sore down there today.” At my look of disgust she cracked up.
“Well, I’m happy for you and your, um, sore lady bits,” I offered which made her laugh more.
“I’ve been thinking. Maybe you should tell Loch who you are. I’ll bet he’d understand.”
Then I told her about his The Little Prince tattoo.
“Oh. Maybe not. Well, I’d be willing to bet he was talking about you and not Samantha.” I cut my eyes to her. “I’m serious! You weren’t ugly back then. You were just… aesthetically challenged,” she declared.
Now I laughed. “Ugly works too.” I waved my hand at her. “Okay, enough. Stop talking about me and my severe appearance deficit. I’ve gotta get ready for work. I’ll call him on my break and tell him we’re done. Not telling him who I am. Just making a clean break of it.”
“Still think you should ‘fess up. I think you two sound cute together.”
I mumbled something about in another lifetime as I headed to the bathroom because, really, if he knew I’d played him all along he’d be pissed and I couldn’t blame him. So better to nip things in the bud and move along.