Didn't seem to... Miller couldn't fathom his indifference. She had feelings and he was treating her as if she was here just to please him.
'I don't know how serious your offer to travel with you was, but I'm assuming you want a relationship. I have to tell you that I would never enter into something with a man who is so stubborn and selfish and angry.'
'And finally she lists my faults.'
'Oh, that is so typical of you-to make fun of something so serious.'
'And it's so typical of you to make serious that which could be fun.'
Miller drew in a fortifying breath. 'I think we've said enough. We're too different, Valentino. You want everything to be light and easy, but sometimes feelings aren't like that.'
'I know that. It's why I refuse to have them.'
'You can't just refuse to have them. They're not controllable.' But Miller had the uncomfortable realisation that she had once believed exactly that.
Valentino rocked back on his heels. 'Every emotion is controllable.'
'Well, you're lucky if that's true, because I've just discovered that mine aren't, and I can't be with someone who only connects with me during sex because he's too afraid to share how he feels.'
'It's the damned uncertainty of it you don't like.'
Miller threw up her hands. 'And now you're going to tell me how I feel in an effort to hide your own feelings.'
'Fine-you want to know how I feel? I feel that my father made a bad choice when he married my mother. He wasn't a man equipped for having a family and he was never around for us. Hell, I was his favourite because of our shared love of adrenalin highs, but even then we hardly had any time together. And when his car hit that wall-' He stopped suddenly, his voice thick. 'I won't do that to another person.'
The words it hurts too much hovered between them and Miller's stomach pitched.
'Valentino, I'm so sorry.' She wanted to touch him, but his stiff countenance stole her confidence.
'You're not coming with me, are you?'
Miller swallowed heavily. If he had shown any inclination that his feelings might be even close to being as strong as hers she'd stay. She'd...
No. She couldn't stay for anything less than love. She refused to fall victim to the laws of relationships. She refused to be in an unequal partnership and watch it wither and die. Because it would take her along with it.
'I can't. I-' She hesitated, fear of being ridiculed stopping her from exposing exactly how she felt, but knowing she loved him too much just to walk away without trying. 'I want more than you're prepared to give.'
He raked back his hair in frustration. 'How much more?'
'I want love. I never thought I did, and I'm still afraid of it, but you've made me see that working so hard, cutting myself off from my true passions, from my feelings, is living half a life. I'm sure I won't be any good at a real relationship, but I'm ready to try.'
He turned his head to the side, his expression hard. 'I can't give you that. I don't do permanence.'
Miller smiled weakly, her heart breaking. 'I know. That's why I didn't ask it of you. But thank you for last weekend. For this week. And good luck tomorrow.'
'Fine.' His voice was harsh, grating. He cleared his throat. 'Tell Mickey when you want to organise the jet.'
Miller felt her lower lip wobble and turned away before the tears in her eyes spilled over. It didn't get much more definitive than that.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
WHEN Miller disappeared from view Tino stalked off without a clear destination in mind, burning with anger. Didn't she know what a concession he had made for her? What he had just offered her?
Tino stopped when he found himself outside on a tiered balcony, staring sightlessly at the glittering city lights.
Thank God she hadn't taken him up on his offer. What had he been thinking? He never took a woman on tour.
'I'm probably not the best person to follow you out here, but I know at least out of respect you won't walk off on me.'
Valentino turned to find his mother standing behind him.
'Want to talk about it?'
No, he didn't want to talk about it.
'Thanks, but I'm fine, Ma.'
'Don't ask me how this works.' His mother stepped closer. 'But a mother always knows when one of her children is lying. Even when they're fully grown.'
Valentino blew out a breath and tipped his head to the starry sky. He really didn't want his mother bothering him right now, and he cursed himself for not leaving when he'd had the chance.
'Ma-'
His mother held her hand up in an imperious way that reminded him of Miller. 'Don't brush me off, darling. I once let your father go into a race in turmoil, and I won't let my son do the same if I can help it.'
Valentino stared down at the tiny woman who had the strength and fortitude of an ox, and his anger morphed into something else. Something that felt a little like despair.
She stood beside him and the silence stretched taut until he couldn't stand it any more. 'You found it hard to be married to Dad with his job. I know you did.'
'Yes.'
'Why didn't you ask him to quit?' Valentino heard the pain in his voice and did his best to mask it. 'He would have done it for you.'
She regarded him steadily. 'You're still angry with him. With me, perhaps?'
He turned back to the lights below; cars like toys were moving in a steady stream along the throughways. Miller had said he was angry and right now he felt angry, so what was the point in denying it?
'I never realised just how much you closed yourself off from us after your father died.' His mother's soft voice penetrated the sluggish fog of his mind. 'You were always so serious. So controlled. But somehow you were still able to make us laugh.'
She offered him a sad smile that held a wealth of remembered pain.
'I can see now it was your way of dealing with your pain, and I'm sorry I wasn't there more for you right after it happened.'
Valentino raked an unsteady hand through his hair. 'He always acted so bloody invincible and I...' He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. 'I stupidly believed him.'
'Oh, darling. I'm so sorry. And I must have only made it worse by relying on you so heavily after his death because I thought you understood.'
Valentino felt something release and peel open deep inside him. Clasping his mother's shoulders, he drew her into his arms. 'I'm not angry at you, Ma.'
'Not any more, hmmm?'
He heard her sniff and tightened his embrace. 'I'm sorry. I've been an ass to you and to Tom. I treated him appallingly when he dutifully drove me to go-cart meets every month, stood in the wings of every damned race.' He stopped, unable to express his remorse at the way he had treated his mother's second husband.
His mother hugged him tight. 'He understood.'
'Then he's a better man than I am.'
'You were only sixteen when we married-a difficult age at the best of times.'
'I think I resented him because he was around when Dad just never had been.'
'Your father took his responsibilities seriously, Valentino. His problem was that he'd grown up in a cold household and didn't know how to express love. He didn't know how to show you that he loved you, but he was torn. That morning...' She stopped, swallowed. 'We'd been talking a lot about him retiring leading up to that awful race, and I think that had he survived he would have quit.'
'I overheard you both talking about it that morning.'
His mother closed her eyes briefly. 'Then you must blame me for his death. For putting him off his race.'
Her voice quavered and Tino rushed to reassure her. 'No. Certainly not. Honestly, I blamed Dad for trying to have it all. I think, if anything, I was just upset that you hadn't tried to stop him.'
His mother pulled back and gave him a wistful smile. 'It is what it is. We are each defined by the choices that we make for good and bad. And it wasn't an easy decision for your father to make. He had sponsors breathing down his neck, the team owner, his fans. He did his best, but fate had other ideas.' She paused. 'But life goes on, and I've been lucky enough to find love not once, but twice in my life. I hope you get to experience the same thing at least once. I hope all of my children do.'
Jamming his hands in his pockets, Tino wished he could jam a lid on the emotions swirling through his brain.
Damn Miller. She had been right. He had been angry with his mother all this time. 'I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me.'
He caught a movement in his peripheral vision and saw Tom, his stepfather, about to head back inside, his expression clearly showing that he didn't want to interrupt.
Valentino beckoned him and Tom approached, putting his arm around his wife, love shining brightly in his eyes. 'I didn't want to interrupt.'
Tino drew in a long, unsteady breath. 'Tom...' He searched for a way to thank this man he had previously disdained for loving his mother and always being there for him and his siblings.