“How can I feel this way about a woman if I don’t even know her name?” His fingers sifted through my hair and down the side of my face.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“There’s no hidden message. I mean exactly what I said. These feelings I have, I don’t understand how they’re possible. I don’t even know you’re real name.”
The night before was forgotten as I sat up and matched his stare.
“What are you saying, exactly?”
No way was Sebastian Black, asshole extraordinaire, saying what I thought he was saying.
“I’m saying I want to know you.” Again, he captured a strand of my hair between his fingers. “The real you. Not Jessica… you.”
His words struck deep in my chest and even though there were a million things I wanted to say to him, I kissed him instead.
For the first time since Gran died, I felt put together—like my life wasn’t actually falling apart at the seams. I had Kyle, who was having the time of his life doing the thing he loved the most, and I had Sebastian, who was more than I ever dreamed I could have in a man. I’d almost forgotten what happiness felt like, but now that I had it, I never wanted to let it go.
He broke the kiss. Capturing my cheeks in his palms, he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m almost there—so close it scares the shit out of me. I want to know your name, but I’m afraid I’ll run when you tell me. And running from you is the last thing I want to do.” His lips brushed mine and then he pulled back and looked me in my eyes. “Give me something to call you. Not Jessica, something that’s yours.”
Pulling away, I stared up at him. The way he was smiling down at me—the way he touched me, it was almost more than I could take.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
I wasn’t going to tell him my whole name, but even giving him my nickname felt strange. I didn’t want things to change and I felt like even giving him that little bit of myself would change the way he responded to me.
I didn’t know whether things would change for the good or bad, and that’s what scared me. Maybe he was confused about how he was feeling. Maybe once I told him my nickname, he’d leave and I’d never hear from again. I couldn’t handle the thought of never seeing him again.
“I’m sure,” he nodded.
Taking a deep breath, I swallowed. “Okay then, you can call me Roz.”
His smile grew before he leaned in and kissed me again. His eyes sparkled mischievously, like we’d just broken the rules. In a way, I guess we had.
“Roz,” my name rolled off his tongue. “It’s perfect for you.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“No, thank you,” he said, fingering a strand of my hair.
I fell asleep in his arms, and woke to him across the room from me, getting dressed. Leaning up on my side, I grinned at his bare ass as he slid his pants on. Turning around, he smiled when he caught me staring.
“Is it weird I don’t want you to go?” I asked.
Coming over to the bed, he crawled over me and buried his face in the side of my neck, breathing me in.
“About as weird as me wanting to stay.”
“Then stay.”
He leaned up and grinned down at me. “Someone has to work the club. Why don’t you come with me?”
“What would I tell everyone when they see us together?”
“You mean what do you tell your friend when she sees us together?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m not sure she’d take our arrangement well.”
He laughed, making the exciting twinkle in his eyes pop before his face went serious. “If she asks, just tell her I’m yours.”
After a night at the club, and lots of goofy stares from the employees at Clive’s, I went back to Sebastian’s apartment with him and spent the night. I woke to him watching me sleep.
“It’s weird when you do that,” I said into my pillow as I turned away.
“What is?” he asked.
“When you watch me sleep. What if I slobber in my sleep, or something equally as gross?”
He laughed, and I was happy he was opening up and laughing more. I was getting used to it.
“No slobbering, thankfully, but I can’t help it. I envy the peace you get when you sleep.” His smiling eyes turned sad.
Turning in his arms, I placed a hand on his cheek. “You don’t sleep peacefully?”
“No,” he said.
“Why?” I was hesitant to ask, but things between Sebastian and I were changing and I wanted to know more about him.
“My demons hunt my sleep. They make it impossible to know what peace is.”
I stared at him, feeling my heart tug for Sebastian’s obvious pain. “I wish I could take away your pain,” I said, truthfully.