She couldn't have silenced herself if she tried. A high whimper caught in her throat, preceding a yelp of surprise to answer his abrupt withdraw and re-entry. Jude barred his forearm across her stomach and locked her against his abs, digging deep with each short, stabbing thrust. His fingers speared between her legs, into her pussy and out again, up to pinch her clit. A jolt of shock spiked up her spine. He repeated the rough treatment, twisting her distended flesh with ruthless determination. Whatever he wanted out of her, she wanted to give it. Strained to give it.
"God," she moaned, one knee jammed against the door. "Oh God."
"You're going to come," he commanded.
He spread her folds, thumbed back the hood of her clit and scraped her exposed nerves with his fingernail. She broke, just for him. Just for the irrefutable power he held over her in that moment. Jude groaned behind her. She felt him jerk and his hold on her ribs tightened to something near pain as he cursed into her hair and plunged deep one more time.
As Jude stilled inside her, the most debilitating blades of sensation softened and dulled. She dropped her forehead against the door and exhaled a shuddering breath. "I don't know how you do this to me."
Gradually, his hold relaxed. He trailed his fingertips over her thigh and snaked his hand beneath her t-shirt to possessively claim her breast. "I want you enough to pay attention."
"I want you too."
"Yeah." He slowly withdrew, leaving her empty and shaking. "Yeah. I know you do. What are we going to do about that? You tell me. Where we go from here is up to you."
"Talk about it tomorrow?" She finally released her grip on the doorframe.
"I don't think so." Jude squeezed her breast before backing away. His footfalls receded down the hall. A moment later, the whir of the bathroom fan told her where he'd gone.
She groaned against the door, afraid she wouldn't want him any less come the light of day. Part of her wanted to hold the truth at arm's length, to ignore the gulf of acceptance and consent, but another part of her recognized the desire for cowardice. The truth of his words echoed inside her, mirroring her own thoughts and highlighting the reality of her life in stasis.
His words also underscored her cowardice. She was standing in place-literally, her body cooling as she stood where he'd left her-because of fear. She stood there so long, he eventually came back for her.
"What's holding you there?" His voice came out of the dark.
Lily turned toward him. He was a tall shadow in the dark hall, the embodiment of a future she couldn't see clearly through the fog of her past mistakes. The decision to answer wasn't a conscious one. She was actually surprised to hear her husky reply, a question she'd asked before. "What if I do choose you?"
But there was more to it than that. "You've hinted at the life I'll lead as your mate. But what becomes of the 'me' I am inside? Do I become fierce? Meek, bowing down to your lion? Does something inside of me die in order to make room for you to live? Because the way I want you makes me want to carve out that place for you. Where does that piece of me go, though? Will it just lay there on the ground, shrivel up and die?"
"No," he said roughly. "It will fill the hole left by the piece of me you've taken. When my kind takes a mate, it's a bond that goes both ways. You remember what I told you about mental interference?" At her nod, he said, "Bonded mates share thoughts. We can't compel each other, but we will know each other. There will be no empty spaces, Lily … but sometimes you might wish there were."
"I don't know about that." She hugged herself and swallowed. "I've never been this afraid of a relationship before. Aren't you turned off by that?"
He shook his head and started toward her. "Fear means you're thinking. Joining with me isn't the same as joining with a human male. Once I have you, I won't let you go."
"I'm not ready yet," she said, and held her breath, prepared to step aside so he could leave.
But he didn't move, not one inch, except to hold out his hand. "Tell me when you are. For now, come to bed."
17
Friday eventually came and despite everything going on, Jude insisted she honor that date she'd agreed to. He wanted to take her to the Jungle. By mid-afternoon, she still hadn't decided whether she would honor her promise. The Jungle was a hub for his kind, a territory, and she'd made it clear to the people passing through that she was her own master … but that she'd surrender with few apparent standards.