Lion's Dangerous(Kings of the Jungle #1)(37)

"Lily," he said again. Just her name.

She shook her head sharply and jerked away, still not ready to stop and think. "I'm going to be late."



* * *

Three hours later, the Saturday retail crowd hit its late-lunch lull. The timing couldn't have been better. Lily had hit a wall in her ability to redirect her thoughts from events of the past twenty-four hours and she needed a break, time to process. Leaving her weekend clerk and half a dozen teenagers knitting and chatting on the comfortable furniture arranged for just such a social purpose, she snuck out to eat her feelings. Over a strong latte and obscenely gooey cinnamon roll, stared blindly out the window at people strolling up and down the sidewalk.

Slowly, the numbness began to fade and a myriad of emotions revealed themselves. A strong sense of violation hounded her but, to her surprise, wasn't rooted in what she and Jude had done at the Jungle. Oh, he was part of it, but all things considered, a pretty insignificant part. The store break-in, the worry of an intruder that night he'd taken her home, the horrible message left last night.

Knowing that Jude had been in her house that morning.

He had too much professional integrity to go through her belongings, but that didn't mean he wouldn't learn about her in other ways. A person's house just said things.

As she brooded, she found herself wondering what his house looked like and what it would say about him. His décor would be masculine and spare, but did he have photos? She didn't, and the only art to break up the walls were framed landscapes purchased from a thrift store. Had he carefully scrubbed all of his intimate life from his rooms as thoroughly as she? Did he hide what he was or did he allow himself that space to revel in the fierce, majestic nature of a lion?

In the privacy of his own home, did he become that proud creature?

Somehow, the answer to that question was more pressing than the matter of what had become a borderline stalking. She couldn't help but wonder, really wonder, whether Paul had found her. Thus far, she'd dismissed him as a possibility-as had the police-but nobody else made sense.

Was that why she felt such a sense of safety with Jude? Why she didn't condemn him more harshly? Because when he was near, the only person she really feared was herself?

Without really knowing why, she picked up her phone and checked messages. Jude had texted several times but the one that stuck out was the last, time stamped about an hour past.

I didn't go there looking for you.

Everything distilled down to a hard, white-hot knot in her stomach. Lily removed the envelope from her cleavage and closed it in her fist. She couldn't read it.

who WERE you looking for???? She texted furiously. And, a moment later, Did you go find her when you were finished w/me??

Will you have dinner with me?

Answer.

Not like this. Dinner.

Screw you. Did you know who I was before you fucked me?

I didn't fuck you.

You took away my mask while still wearing yours.

Suddenly exhausted, she dropped her phone and started gathering her things with jerky, erratic movements.

Her phone vibrated through several more texts. She ignored them. When the phone rang-Jude on the caller ID-she ended the call before the second ring.

Conversation and laughter ebbed and flowed around her as small groups of people caught up and unwound over their caffeine fixes. No laughter at her table. Just a sudden bone-deep weariness and an ache without a certain cure.

Physical attraction to Jude Burke-she could deal with that. Even embrace it. She was far from virginal and had strict rules about her sexual habits, but in general, she had no qualms about sex. Sex and attraction were healthy. She could deal with wanting him. Strip away his name and his recent role in her life, put a flogger in his hand, and hell yes. She'd have to be a corpse not to react.



       
         
       
        

The everything-else ruined the sex though. For some reason, or a combination of reasons, he'd been more than sex right from the very beginning.

His position as her security guy, his calm and solid presence the night of the break-in and the sound of his voice when she'd been frightened in the middle of the night-all totally understandable reasons for her shifting perspective. He couldn't be merely sex because he was safety.

No, when she thought of Jude it wasn't the physical desire that scared her. It was everything after the sex.

He made her want a new relationship.

That was … not good.

It still wasn't good hours later when Jude knocked on her new reinforced glass door while she tidied the bins of sock yarn. The sign on the door said "closed" but he met her eyes through the glass and raised an eyebrow.