“I’m glad that’s settled, Ren. I was getting worried there for a minute—not while you were going to town on my—”
She playfully smacks my shoulder and disengages from my body, stumbling up and slipping her panties back on. “Like I was saying, before you took it to that place—I love you. I never stopped. I can get over the fact that you hurt me for the sake of your family, but what I can’t do is go about behind everyone’s back anymore.”
I cock my head to one side and watch her as she buttons up her blouse. It’s a sad thing to see her breasts go back to that prison, but I reckon I can handle it if we can only do this again. And again.
“I know it, Ren. I don’t want to either, and I know it’s been me who’s doing the sneaking around and convincing you to sleep with me. Even though you didn’t really need that much convincing this time...” I raise an eyebrow, and she stifles another laugh.
“No, I didn’t. Which is why I think I ought to go back to California while you start the season off. You’re smart enough to get the season started, and I’m a phone call away if you need me. We both need time to think, and I’m not going to stand around and help you ruin your career. That’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”
Slowly, I nod, getting to my feet and pulling up my jeans. Even looking at her right now, I want her again. I want to kick everyone out of my damn house and throw them to the wind while I take Renata to bed with me where she belongs.
“No,” I say simply. “I’m not playing these games anymore. Not while I know that we love each other—”
“I don’t want you to quit,” she says, cutting me off. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re determined to.” There’s a hint of sadness glimmering behind her eyes. This isn’t just the life I love. It’s the life she loved. It’s the life we both wanted. Football was always where I was headed. But when I think about it, it all pales in comparison to her.
But she’s torn. Torn between two coasts. Torn between one man and the career that she loves. Normally this kind of thing would have all been sorted by now with a client—it’s love, and may a little bit of sex, that’s clouded the whole damn thing up.
“Yeah,” I say, rolling around the idea I’ve had in my brain all week. “And I’ll go back home with you if you’ll have me. Say yes.”
She purses her lips tight. Agreeing to this means she’s agreeing to the end of my career. For her, I’m sure she feels it’s too selfish to even consider. The words sound right coming out of my mouth, though. The thought has been toying with me for a good, long while. Why would I want to be with a team that doesn’t want me? And a sport that monitors my every move? And why would I want the woman I love to leave town without me?
I’d much rather just be with Renata, for real.
“There’s a way to get back to it. I just have to figure it out. With you on my side—well, we’ve got plenty.” I feel like this isn’t the end—it’s a new beginning.
“We’ve got plenty of love, maybe,” she says, chewing her lip. “And then we’ve got bills and families and—”
“Love’s enough.”
She stands there, stark still for a while. “I want it to be enough,” she says. “I do. I think you might be right, but if you do this, I don’t think there’s any going back, not to the NFL.”
When those words come to her lips, my heart sinks. It’s a reality I know well. Now that I’m spending more time sober than I am drinking myself to death, the idea of my life without football sinks in more and more. With the parties and the women—and the photos still circulating—I dug myself into a hole I could only get out of with a major shift. That’s Eddie Davidson for you, the hypocritical, conservative ass who will send Kinley after me until I relent. Until I give in and what—get engaged? Marry her? Get her out of his hair?
I’m silent for a minute or more, and then I walk to Renata and take her body in my arms, bringing my lips to hers and letting her melt against me. This woman makes me sure that this decision is the right one. Kissing her here under the stars, in the belly of the house inspired by her memory, I’m resolute.
Football is one great love.
But Renata is so much more than that.
At that very moment, the breeze picks up, the sound of it rolling across the acres of my property. Maybe we’re lost in the moment, or maybe the wind is echoing too much in our ears.
But we aren’t expecting what comes next.
A flash of light. A flurry of doors opening, porch lights hesitantly flickering on.