After an hour, he wakes, asking for me. "Where's Lily?"
I get up and get my crap together. "Hey, nice to finally see you up and awake." I smile at him as I walk towards his bed.
He groggily smiles at me, reaching for my hand. I clasp it with mine, needing assurance, needing his love and his warmth. "I made it," Drake whispers happily.
I wipe the tears running down my face. "You did. Thank you for that. I wouldn't have forgiven you if you didn't."
"Don't cry. I'll get better, I promise. I'll be as good as new when our baby comes." Drake slowly reaches out and softly wipes my tears away.
Not knowing what to say, I simply nod.
"I'm tired, but I want you to stay close. I love knowing that you're here, holding my hand," he whispers before his eyes start to close.
"I'll be here. I promise."
A small smile forms on his lips, eyes still shut. "I love you," he manages to whisper. I know he's asleep when his grip softens.
I sit next to him, kissing his hand and telling him how much I love him, too.
Drake isn't allowed to go home for two weeks.
In those two weeks, I entertain him with board games, reading and watching movies. Drake slowly regains his strength. I have successfully dodged all of his questions about the baby, answering them vaguely.
It works, for a bit, but the day before he's to be discharged, he asks again.
I come into his room around ten in the morning with breakfast in hand. "Good morning! Did you sleep well?" I ask.
"I did, thanks. Now, come over here and give me a kiss." I laugh at his demand. Apart from the bandage around his head, Drake looks almost like his old self. I bend over and give him a kiss. I expect it to be quick, but I'm surprised when he takes hold of my head and devours my lips. Kissing me so passionately, it breaks my heart. When he lets go of me, I'm out of breath. We both pant as we stare at each other.
"I've been meaning to do that. I wanted to wait until we were home, but you came in here looking so beautiful, I couldn't help it." Drake holds my hand and plants a kiss on it.
"I've missed you, too."
We eat breakfast as we watch CNN. "You're twelve weeks today, right? What time is your appointment?" he inquires while his attention turns back to the television screen.
I still, slowly placing the food back on the plate. "About that … there's … there's no more baby, Drake. I lost it."
Drake suddenly looks at me, confused. "What do you mean? When?" The shock comes first, then the pain surfaces on his face.
"Just after you came out of surgery the second time, I started to bleed." I feel wretched for not telling him immediately, but there was so much going on, it was hard for me to do it.
"Are you okay? God, all this time … you're smiling and making me laugh … when you were probably dying inside."
I was.
Still am.
"I'm still reeling from it. Being with you makes me feel happy, though. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you, but it was hard to talk about it, still is." I get choked up, but I push it down.
"Don't be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for me." I shake my head, denying it. "I'm here, Babe. We'll go through this together. I don't want you to think that you're all alone in this. I don't ever want you to feel that way."
I never did doubt it. "I know you're here for me, Drake."
"How does it feel to be back home?" I ask as we enter his foyer.
Skull comes out running to greet his owner. He's been under the care of Drake's housekeeper who was kind enough to stay with him for the last two weeks.
"Hey, Buddy! Did you miss me?" Drake scratches the dog's neck.
"Are you tired? You should rest. If you're hungry, I can cook up something," I ask when we are going up the stairs, heading towards his bedroom.
"I think I'm going to crash for a bit. I'm exhausted."
I'm shocked to find his room has had a major transformation. The décor, the bed and everything else is different.
Seeing my expression, Drake explains, "I hired an interior decorator to strip everything off. The bathrooms, the closets and the rest of the guestrooms are all newly decorated. After Shannon, I thought it was best to change everything to make you feel comfortable."
Could he be any sweeter?
"Thank you. This means so much to me, Drake." I stride towards where he stands and give him a kiss.
"Stay with me in bed. I want you close." Drake looks tired. If he wants me next to him, then I'll be right there.
Once we are all in bed, Skull included, I ask, "Why do you always want me close to you? Each time you ask it, your voice changes. It's weird."
"I had a dream … I died in it. When you learned of the news, you were so devastated; you wouldn't stop crying. Then my dreams flashed forward and you were with Jared with my child growing in your belly."
"I'm not going to leave you for him. You know that, don't you?"
"I do, but when I'm reminded of how helpless I was in my dream, how badly I wanted to be that man for you and I couldn't because I was dead, I feel raw, and you being close gives me a reality check; that you're here with me and that I'm still alive. I don't want to ever feel that kind of pain, Lil. It scares me to think that it could easily happen." Drake sounds vulnerable, gutted.
I snuggle close to him, resting my head on his arm since I can't put my head on his chest, yet. "That will never happen because I'm not capable of loving another man. The last eight years taught me that." It wasn't because of my luck of trying. I did try, very hard, but it was impossible when I'd given my heart away already.
"It was always you in my heart, Lil. I'm happy that you're here, still giving me another chance after how I treated you. For loving me as I am."
We hold hands as we both fall asleep; the strain of the past couple of weeks finally catching up with me.
27
I wake the next morning feeling refreshed and upbeat. Drake is still asleep when I get out of bed and hunt down something to change into.
His closet is completely new. The thought of it makes me smile. He really did think of me. I didn't even have to tell him that the feeling of Shannon was all over the house, making me feel uncomfortable. He had just known. I choose his Columbia shirt and go inside the bathroom to shower. I completely forgot to pack a bag before I left my house yesterday.
The new fitted bathroom is made of black marble and a lot of glass and mirrors. The total opposite of the all-white and chrome theme he had before.
After my quick shower, I wear his shirt over my naked body. When I get out and stride past the bed, Drake is still asleep.
I head downstairs and make breakfast. I'm flipping pancakes when Drake appears in the kitchen. Fresh out of the shower, bandage gone, and wearing a black shirt with navy blue sweats.
My stupid body reacts to him instantly. "Did the doctor say it was okay to take the bandage off?" I ask, trying to distract myself while I start to make coffee.
"He did." Drake comes over and hugs me from behind. "Good morning," he whispers, sniffing my neck. "You look good in my shirt."
"I forgot to bring my clothes," I mumble, my body weak against him.
"I don't mind. You look sexy. I don't mind seeing you wearing my shirt every day." Drake slowly spins me around to face him.
With a finger, he slowly lifts my chin to meet his metallic gaze. He looks unreadable.
His eyes probe inside me, reaching until it holds something.
My soul. My heart.
"Marry me."
I press my lips together as his words settle in. "Are you sure? You're not doing this because of that dream, right? I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to propose marriage to make sure I'm going to stick around."
His eyes never leave mine. They are serious, bold and undaunted. "That, too, but I've wanted to ask you for a long time. I wanted to ask you that first night you spent here, but the thought of you rejecting me was something I couldn't deal with then. I'm asking you now because the thought of spending even a day without you seems too much. I love you … but I would give anything to love you as my wife."
Ah, hell. My tears start flowing again. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. He starts to laugh with me as he wipes the tears away. "Damn it, Drake. How the hell do you expect me to decline a proposal like that? Yes, yes, yes! I will marry you."
"Yeah? Are you sure?" Drake asks as he gently kisses me.
"Like you would give me a chance to decline you." My arms circle around his neck.
"Damn right, woman. I will hound you on a daily basis if I have to. You will never be free of me."
I pull back a little, just enough for us to gaze into each other's eyes. Drake … I have always loved you … always … "I promise to give you kisses and share my Reese's peanut buttercups once a week for forever and ever until I die."