He fucked up, big time.
Mom gets up and hugs me. "I love you. You're going to be a great mom. Don't let hatred consume you, though. I think it's high time you and Drake sort this out." She kisses my forehead before walking towards the end of the room.
I hear her talking on the phone. I can't really blame her since this is such a big deal to us. We are a close unit. She and Pat are expecting their first grandchild and both have been dying for one.
"We're going over to the Tatum's for lunch. Will that be good for you?" Mom asks kindly.
It's not like I have a choice. If I don't agree to it, I full well know that the entire Tatum clan will be on my doorstep before sun down. "Yeah, sounds good to me."
21
"Lily doesn't want me. Her lying about my child proves that," Drake grates out as both of our mothers just look speechless.
"What do you want, Lily?" Patricia looks at me kindly.
What do I want? That's a good question to ask. I do want Drake, but not like this. It feels wrong. I don't want to be the next Shannon, robbing him of his life and livelihood. I am not that woman. Even if every fiber in me is screaming to just drop it and be with him.
"The baby and I are going to be okay. I mean, I have all of you guys to help out, right? Let's just take this one day at a time. Everything seems to be all new to me. So, please, calm down." I give Mom and Patricia a forced smile. Both women get up and hug me, telling me how much they love me.
"Thank you, Lil! Not only did you grant your mother's wishes to have a child, but mine as well. If you and Drake don't ever get married, though, I think you two should, as the mother of my unborn grandchild, you are my unofficial daughter," Patricia speaks through happy tears.
Drake just mutters something unintelligible in the background. "Like you would accept any addition in this family, mother, if it wasn't her; it was either Lily or no one."
I halt in the middle of wiping my tears away. "Patricia said that?" I look at my godmother, questioningly.
Patricia gracefully shrugs. "Something was up with you two in Mexico, but when we came back, I was surprised that Drake had gone back home and left you all alone in the villa. For eight years, we all wondered and watched as you two played hide-and-seek to avoid seeing each other. Your mom and I always wanted you and Drake to end up together. You two are perfect for each other. I can't understand for the life of me how you two don't see that. Of course, my brilliant son must've done something so irreparable for Lily to have ignored all of us, though."
Oh, were we that obvious? I hadn't realized.
"Mom, seriously, do we have to discuss this right now?" Drake starts to pace around the living room looking more stressed out.
My mom turns to me and uses that motherly tone, the one that says she won't take ‘no comment' as an answer. "What happened in Mexico, Dear?"
Mom and Patricia look at me expectantly. I sigh and capitulate. "That night when you and Hugh left for Cozumel, I gave Drake my virginity. The next day, I woke up and he had left. When I tried to visit him in Columbia, he sent me an email stating that he's with someone, that it was serious and so forth. Of course, the rejection hurt me deeply because I had loved him for so long. I didn't want to date anyone when a lot of guys wanted to go out with me because I was saving myself for Drake. I didn't want anyone else. So when that happened, I realized that I was naïve and idiotic to believe that he would return my feelings. It obviously didn't mean anything to him so it was time to let it go. And I did. I realized that life does have more to offer than pining for someone who doesn't love you back. When Drake and I happened again, this time, it was all just sex. It was what we agreed upon and that's what it really was." Mom and Patricia's expressions are really hilarious. I would've laughed if this conversation wasn't as serious as it is.
I don't dare look in Drake's direction. I can feel him burning holes in me, but I don't have the capacity to look at the man who I once loved with all of my heart and my being.
"Oh dear, that was something I didn't expect, but I do understand why you don't want to marry Drake now. You two were in lust and are not in love. Marriage is only for people that are in love and that doesn't apply to you both. So, it's best that we just make the best of it and still be a family." My mom squeezes my hand in understanding.
Patricia on the other hand looks aghast. "How could you treat her so crassly, Drake? I knew you were a playboy, but I never in my life expected my son to treat a woman like a piece of meat, let alone take her virginity and then reject her the next day. I don't blame Lily at all for her decisions."
Drake swears and hastily leaves the room. We hear the front door slam one minute and his bike fires up the next. I sigh dejectedly. Had I known today was going to be a house of horrors, I would never have left the bed.
After the disastrous and taxing afternoon talk with Mom and Patricia, I decide to leave ten minutes later. I want to be alone and soothe my nerves, my mind and my heart.
When I get home, I immediately go out on my deck, trying to breathe and think rationally. I stay out and watch the sunset. I reject the idea of calling Masie. I don't want to hear ‘I told you so' or better yet, ‘give him another chance'. She will be as undecided as I am.
I still when there is a man walking towards me from afar. As he nears, I realize that it's Drake looking all rugged. The sunset hits the back of him and he looks too good to be true. When he reaches me, I see how his face is contorted, with what, I don't know. Pain? Sadness? Rejection?
"I figured you'd be out here, so I took a chance," he murmurs and sits on the other lounge chair next to me. "So, we're having a baby, huh? Do you want it? Our baby, I mean?" he rasps out, nervously.
"Of course, I want it. Since Dad died, I always felt like there's that big gaping hole in me that's missing. When I found out that I was pregnant, for the first time in years, I felt like I was going to be okay." I was a Daddy's girl and when he died so suddenly, I had a hard time dealing with it.
"I'm sorry about last night. You don't know how many times that situation has been shoved at me-even if it wasn't mine. It just came out of my mouth. I didn't sleep much because of it. I really am sorry." Drake does look remorseful, but too bad.
The damage is done.
"I meant what I said earlier, you don't need to feel obligated about parenting and such. I know you have a hectic lifestyle and I won't hold that against you. You have full visitation rights and we can work out something on weekends, if you choose to spend more time with the baby."
"Wow," Drake breathes out. "You thought this through that quickly? Did I mean so little to you?" His wounded pride and ego are not mine to save.
Life goes on. I had to realize that once when Drake broke me and I am determined to do it again. "The past doesn't matter. I'm concentrating on my future now."
Drake looks at me with profound hurt in his eyes. "How long did it take you to practice saying all that, Lil?"
Not long.
"I am done talking to you, Drake. I'm tired. I will have an ultrasound coming up. I will text you when and where. If you decide to join me, great; if not, I'll be fine on my own."
"Like hell I would miss seeing my child." Drake harrumphs and leaves me alone on my deck.
I feel bad that he's pissed off, but at the same time, Drake has handled everything so badly since he learned I was pregnant.
From asking me the paternity to blabbering it to my mother firsthand, he's done everything wrong. Yet, he doesn't seem to realize what he's doing to me-hurting me in the process which only makes me more resolved to not forgive him. If he can't even understand that he's doing things wrong, how can I hope for him to make things right?
22
We are in the hospital waiting area for our first ultrasound together and Drake looks anxious. He sighs for the umpteenth time and I grind my teeth together, irritated.
"If you sigh one more time I will murder you. For the love of God calm the heck down, will you?" I glare at him. Drake looks offended from my mild outburst.
"I get that you're hormonal and all, but don't bite my head off. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just … I don't know, I guess I've never done this before," he murmurs, sullenly.
Wait, but wasn't Shannon pregnant before? "You didn't go with Shannon?"
He shakes his head. "She said it made her uncomfortable to have me in there with her. I had to do what I had to do to make her happy, I guess." What he spouts out next is completely unexpected. "I guess, now that I think about it, I'm not sure that she was pregnant to begin with. I think Shannon used that so I would marry her."