Lily White Lies(96)

Feeling as ready as I ever would to hear the truth, as ugly as it may be, I picked up the journal and opened it to the place I had left off.

I had gone through several entries; some making more sense than others and most of them declaring her undying love for her husband, when I came across one dated April 4th, 1981, that took up several inked pages.



Jack would be so upset with me should he find out I have been eavesdropping at his door. I swear to you, I wasn’t interfering in his business but I need to know things that he won’t discuss with me anymore. I know I’ve been a burden, although he would never admit that.

Heavenly Father, I have never questioned your work, until now. I obeyed your wishes and sent Wesley to be with you so you could guide him to righteousness. I have been willing to accept my earthly punishment for what I have done. I have been inflicted with a disease that steals all too many of my days and I have not complained or laid blame. So why do you continue to test my faith?

Why in heaven’s name would you call on Stewart to take the blame for Wesley’s death? If you think you are sparing me, you are not. Stewart is a good man, why would you ask this of him?



She had pulled me into her story and her life, so I turned the page and continued without hesitation.



April 6th, 1981

Jack has hired a woman to live here and take care of me, as my good days are a rare occurrence anymore. I thank you for this one, especially since it is the last day I will have the privacy to write.

Jack brought Stewart to see me today. What a wonderful surprise it was, but the reason for his visit was not a happy one. It seems that Stewart and my adoring husband have worked out a way to keep me from going to prison for Wesley’s death. I am not happy with their decision. It appears that they are in mutual agreement and have sworn each other to a lifetime of secrecy. Why would Stewart be willing to pay for a crime he did not commit? He said he is doing this for Karen and Cybil and that makes me realize that when I had the opportunity all those years ago, I did not see him for the man he was. I will come to meet you still loving Jack, but Stewart will always have a special place in my heart.

I tell you this because I know that my husband and Stewart are proud men. Neither will ever break their bond of secrecy, my written word being the only testimony that a true and honorable version exists. I can only pray that once I am gone, someone finds this and sets Stewart free. I admire the love he has for his family and I’ll always love him for his loyalty and virtues. I don’t claim to understand everything that has happened, but the one thing I cannot deny is the love between Jack and me, Stewart and his family and the special relationship between Stewart and Jack. We have all been blessed with a lifetime of love. I could not have asked for more.

Please bring me home when I run out of good days.



Con was right; I had to see my grandfather. All I could hope was that he wasn’t furious that the secret he and Joker guarded so carefully all these years was no longer a secret. Telling me why he did it was more than I hoped for.

Considering my last visit, again, I thought it best not to give any advance notice of my arrival and left as soon as I gathered my things.

I ran through what I would say to him, the questions I would ask and what I would do if he turned his back on me a hundred times on the drive there, but I knew that once I arrived, nothing would come out the way I rehearsed it.

I also found myself wondering if Gramp might already be expecting me. There was obviously more than hatred between him and Joker so it wasn’t out of the realm of reality to think that Joker might have warned him already.



I didn’t hesitate in the car or stall at the front door this time. Leaving him no time to sneak out the back door, I knocked once, opened the door and made my way straight to the kitchen.

“Sweet salvation, child, you scared the snickers out of me.” Gram clutched her chest as I startled her from her crossword puzzle.

“I’m sorry...” Glancing around the kitchen, I asked, “Is Gramp here?”

Pushing her crossword puzzle aside, she took her glasses off, shuffling them between her hands.

I recognized her stall tactics.

“Gram, I’m not leaving until I see him.”

“Sit down, child.”

Obeying her request, I sat quietly, waiting for her to speak.

She briefly glanced at her empty glass. Expecting her to refill it, she surprised me by dismissing it and turning her attention to me.

“The day you brought that Ellis boy here I told your grandfather that he was going to have to look the past in the eyes one more time.”

“I’m sorry; I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

“Neither did he.”

“I know.”