Without realizing it, I had been holding my breath, waiting on her answer.
“Why, isn’t that sweet of you. I’m sure she would enjoy that very much, especially coming from you.” She nodded in approval. “Yes, I think that’s a wonderful idea. I’ll be just fine; you stay and enjoy your visit.”
As my grandmother disappeared through the front doors, I turned and stared down the long narrow hallway. Not sure what I’d say to her or even why I felt compelled to go back, I headed in the direction of my aunt’s room.
Filled with uncertainties, I sat beside her and shared the view from her first story window. I hadn't known what to expect when I returned to her room, but when she looked up at me and smiled, I knew I was exactly where I should be.
Three
...I had the urge to kick, scream and throw things at him until it brought a smile to my face, but instead, I chose to lie quietly on the couch and re-think my life...
I cringed as his shoes ricocheted off the floor, hitting the wall with a thud.
“That was the most inconsiderate thing you’ve ever done, Meg. Was that a preview of what our marriage will be like?”
“Brian, I said I was sorry. It’s not like I did it deliberately, I just lost track of time.”
He felt as though my missing the Cosgrove’s dinner party had earned him the right to inflict verbal punishment. And being a lawyer, he found it necessary to argue until he convinced me of his point.
“You’re sorry? Christ Meg, is that the best you could come up with?”
I knew how thoughtless my actions had been, but somehow, I didn’t feel guilty. The smile I witnessed earlier was worth more than any dinner party, especially one where I would serve as no more than eye-candy.
Normally, I would share such a significant experience with Brian, but tonight I felt selfish. He hadn’t earned the right to know what only I knew. He wasn’t worthy of my secret.
He threw his pants to the floor as he flung his hands in the air and yelled, “Tell me Meg, what was worth making me look like a fool in front of the partners? Do you have any idea how ridiculous I felt when they asked me where you were and all I could say was, ‘I don’t know’.”
The day hadn’t started the best and it looked like it wasn’t going to end any better. I was beginning to realize that Brian stood in the middle of each bad period of my day.
“You know Brian, it isn’t all about you. Your plans, your golfing, your dinner party, your feelings… I have feelings too. What I was doing was important to me!” I paused. Lowering my voice, I began to offer an explanation, “Once we were finished picking out my gown…”
He cut me off abruptly. “We? It’s those friends of yours. When are you going to see that they hold you back, Meg? You’re a different person when you’re with them and that’s not a compliment.” Waving a finger at me, he added, “Consider it free advice.”
I felt a surge of heat cross my face. If I had toyed with the idea of buckling for the sake of avoiding an argument, his last remark had ensured that wouldn’t happen.
“Free advice?” I shook my head, unable to believe what I had heard. “What am I, Brian, a goddam client? And as far as my friends, they had nothing to do with my being late, but you didn’t give me a chance to tell you what I was doing, did you?”
“So you weren’t with your friends but that doesn’t change the fact you weren’t where you were supposed to be.”
Before he could shift the argument in his favor, I used his remark to my advantage.
“Supposed to be? I never said I would be there—you told me I would be there!” I took several steps away from him and ran my hands through my hair, giving thought to my next statement. “Listen Brian, I’m not going to spend the next few hours arguing about something that can’t be changed.”
For the first time since he arrived home, he spoke calmly. “Can you at least tell me what you were doing all day?”
I shook my head sadly. “Brian, we’ve been together for almost three years. What have I done almost every Saturday since the day we met?”
He scratched his head, aggravation flashed through his eyes. “For crissakes Meg, are we making a game of this? I’m not in the mood to play twenty questions tonight.”
I calmly said, “And I’m not in the mood to play anything else tonight,” as I grabbed a pillow and blanket, slamming the bedroom door on my way out. I had the urge to kick, scream and throw things at him until it brought a smile to my face, but instead, I chose to lie quietly on the couch and re-think my life.