“You’re kidding, right?”
“No.”
I couldn’t explain why I found an impractical test so important at this final stage of our relationship, but on some level, I saw it as the closure I needed to be free of all ties to Brian.
“Brian, we don’t have anything to lose anymore. It’s gone. I just feel like we should do this.”
His eyes searched mine, maybe for hope, maybe for answers but finally, he broke his stare and said, “Fine, let’s do it.”
I found two pieces of paper and re-joined him at the table.
“The test is called ‘I do or I don’t’; all you have to do is answer the question I ask as honestly as you’re able, okay?”
He offered a slight nod and slumped down in his chair, as I slowly read the question.
“On paper, list the three most important elements of a lasting marriage.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
He made a motion with his hands and shook his head before turning his attention to the task. He wrote quickly and before I began to write, he put the pen down, offering a confident smile.
I looked at my empty paper and began to write the first three things that came to mind, wondering if my life would make any more sense once we were through or if this would turn out to be the childish game Brian found it to be.
Once I had finished writing, I didn’t hesitate. “Okay, do you want me to read yours first?”
He sat with his arms folded over his chest. “Whatever, babe.”
I reached over and slid his paper toward me, almost afraid to pick it up. Giving him a brief glance, I opened the paper he had folded neatly and read aloud what he had written.
“First element, that my wife understands the importance of my career. Second element, that my wife supports my goals and ambitions, and third element, that my wife realizes her actions reflect on me as well as on her.”
When I finally looked up, I found his eyes questioning mine. I nodded and motioned toward my paper. “Your turn.”
He opened the paper and began to read what I had written while smugly tilting his head back and forth.
“The most important elements of a lasting marriage are, one—mutual trust and respect.” His eyes flickered with surprise as he offered me a brief glance before continuing. “Two—the ability to forgive and accept forgiveness...”
He sat up straight in his chair and swallowed hard. His voice was almost inaudible as he read the last line on the paper he held. “Three—an unconditional love that continues to grow.”
He let the paper fall to the table and looked away. For several moments, I watched his back rise and fall as he cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair. Turning back to me, he murmured, “I’m so sorry, Meg.” He limply shook his head. “I don’t know how I... Shit, I really blew it, didn’t I?”
Taking hold of his hands, I whispered, “No Brian, I’m just as guilty. I should have told you how I was feeling a long time ago. I can’t say we would have ended any differently, but at least you would have seen it coming.”
He rested an arm on my shoulder and laid his head against my neck. For the first time in a very long time, I was at ease with him. This was my first glimpse of his vulnerable side and although too late, I found it somewhat endearing.
He whispered ‘I’m sorry’ into my ear before he began to weep into my hair. We sat for several minutes and tearfully shared the closest moments we would ever share again.
Brian grabbed a few of his things and left me alone in the house. Although the house belonged to him, he had generously told me that he would stay away until I had moved my things. I was appreciative of the gesture.
I had imagined our parting full of anger, insults and verbal mud that we would each come to regret one day. Instead, it was calm, mature and even a little sad. Our love had been like one of the pretty flowers Gram spends countless hours planting. We had planted a seed and watched in awe as it grew into something beautiful. However—as often happens—we became lazy or just stopped caring enough to tend to its needs, and it quickly died. I was as much to blame as Brian was and all I could hope for was that somehow, after the dust from the pain and embarrassment settled, the experience yielded enough wisdom to avoid something similar happening in the future. Gram claims that no mistake is too big unless you learn nothing from it. For the sake of my happy future, I certainly hope she’s right.
Thirteen
...Cory was being evasive and Charlotte was acting guilty—familiar signs of a scheme and the promise of a night I would never forget...
It was almost four o’clock and I was expecting the girls any minute. Neither of them were known for their punctuality but when it comes to a party, the odds of them being on time were in my favor.