“Oh, just something your grandfather picked up at the auction the other day. I think he’s shooting for the farm animal version of Noah’s Arc. Damned animals… it costs more to feed them than it does to feed us.” Shoeing the chickens away, she added, “C’mon in, I’ve got the vodka on.”
Over girl talk and screwdrivers, Gram had established the facts that Cory was too thin, Charlotte had no business trying to raise a child by herself, Grandpa was going through some kind of male-menopausal syndrome and I looked too sullen for a woman ready to waltz down the isle.
“Tell me child, do you love him?” Gram asked in her familiar no-nonsense tone
It was going to take more than a simple statement to answer her simple question.
“Yes. Well, I did. I mean, I do… it’s complicated.” I felt myself becoming flustered.
“No, it’s very simple. You either love him—or you don’t.”
I stared at the lace tablecloth, tracing the outline of the flowers in front of me. She wasn’t going to let me off easily. I felt three pair of eyes burning into me, waiting for an answer.
“Things have just gotten… well, I’ve been so busy, with the wedding and all…” Tossing my head back in defeat, I sighed and asked loudly, “What the hell is love anyway? I mean, when I think of love, I think of handholding, smiling for no reason, can’t get enough kissing kind of happily-ever-after. If you don’t have those things, can you still be in love?”
Gram never looked up from the cookie she was picking apart. “It helps if the sex is good.”
Charlotte and I looked at each other, amazed and amused while Cory never skipped a beat. “I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been looking for not good, but great sex. Unfortunately, that eliminates, like… all the men I know. I guess I’ll never be happily married.”
Gram gave Cory a concerned look and then, in unison, three women looked at me, waiting for me to take my turn at kiss-and-tell.
I felt treasonous telling them about Brian’s lovemaking skills or lack of, depending on expectations.
Gram poured herself another drink, as she asked, “Tell me, during sex do you think about what needs tending tomorrow and before it’s over, do you lay there thinking, ‘Are you finished yet?’”
In that moment I realized, I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Other women had felt the same way.
“Not exactly, it’s more like, ‘Would you get off me already!’”
Looking at me with a disapproving glare, Gram said, “Until death do you part...” She hesitated. “...Child, that’s a hell of a long time to spend waiting for someone to get off you.”
My head was already feeling the sting of too many screwdrivers, when I said, “Gram, forget about Brian and my lousy sex life. I came here to tell you what happened when I stayed with Aunt Karen last Saturday.”
Concern filled her eyes. “What happened… is she alright?”
“Yes, of course, she’s alright.” Preparing myself for opposition, I said, “Gram, I know you won’t think it’s possible, but while I sat with her, she smiled at me.” Before she could tell me I was wrong, I began to defend my sanity. “I’m telling you Gram, it wasn’t an involuntary action. She knew exactly what she was doing… she looked me in the eyes and smiled at me.”
There was a long, uncomfortable silence while Gram stared out in front of her, lost in thought.
“Gram, I wouldn’t tell you that if it weren’t true. I wouldn’t build up your hopes without good cause.”
She looked up at me, an unexpected sadness in her eyes.
“Oh child, I know you wouldn’t. I’ve always told you that you were wrong because I didn’t want you putting too much thought into it, but you’re right. My little girl talks in her own way, and if you pay real close attention, you may learn a thing or two.”
Seeing my grandmother’s depressed state, I found myself sorry for bringing up the subject of my aunt. I had been foolish to think my news would make her happy. Now, not only was Gram sad, but I was confused. What did she mean by learning a thing or two? I wondered.
Always a fresh breeze through air gone stale, Cory cheerfully asked, “Cybil, did I see your husband standing next to a cow when we pulled in earlier?”
Subtly wiping underneath each eye, Gram simply nodded.
Downing the last mouthful of her water-downed drink, Cory flipped her hair back and stood, saying, “I think I’m going to visit outside awhile. I’ve never seen a cow up close and personal. C’mon Charlotte, let’s go meet Bessie.” With one of her playful chuckles, she added, “If you’re lucky, maybe Stewart will let you milk her.”