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Lifting the Lid(13)

By:Rob Johnson


He wrenched open the canvas holdall and emptied the broken pieces of porcelain onto the floor, making a vague attempt to arrange them so it looked as if this was where the cistern lid had fallen. Then he laid the intact lid in the holdall and zipped it shut.

Grabbing the bag by the handle, he fled from the bathroom, through the bedroom, and out into the corridor. As he had feared, the wire cage with the towels and linens was parked immediately outside his room, but how had the chambermaids got there so quickly? He scuttled along the hallway and soon had his answer. The two intervening rooms on his side of the corridor had “Do Not Disturb” notices hanging from their door handles, and on the floor outside the second on the right was a large silver tray laid with breakfast.

He was almost level with this particular door when it opened, and an overweight man in a white towelling dressing gown appeared and stooped down to pick up the tray.

‘What an idiot,’ said Trevor.

The man in the dressing gown paused mid-stoop and stared up at him, a baffled expression on his bloated face. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Oh sorry. Not you. Me. I’m the idiot,’ Trevor said without breaking his stride and continued to chide himself for having forgotten to put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on his own door.

So intent was he on getting there, he scarcely registered the words, ‘You know, I think you’re probably right’.

The barking had reached a ridiculous level of decibels by the time he burst into the room, and he was not in the least surprised by the awful scene which greeted him. Milly stood in the middle of the bed, baying wildly in the direction of the two chambermaids, who were pinned against the far wall with a look of abject terror on their tear-stained faces. One of them – the younger of the two – was just completing an excruciatingly ear-piercing scream when Trevor came through the doorway.

‘Milly!’ he yelled.

Milly, who was quite clearly having a whale of a time, stopped barking long enough to look round at her master and then, after giving him what could only be described as a conspiratorial wink, turned back towards her cornered prey and resumed her deafening assault.

Trevor rapidly approached the bed. ‘Milly, I’m warning you…’

Apparently realising he was serious this time, she gradually reduced her barking to a barely audible level and contented herself with an occasional growl, supplemented here and there with a teeth-baring snarl. If it hadn’t been for the seriousness of the situation, Trevor would have found Milly’s display of aggression highly amusing. He knew as well as she did that it was all show, and if the chambermaids had stood up to her, she would have run a mile.

‘That your dog?’ said Peroxide.

‘Er…’ Trevor glanced round at Milly as if noticing her for the first time.

‘It’s a bloody menace, that’s what it is.’

‘Ought to be… put down… if you… ask me.’ The younger woman could barely get the words out through her tears.

‘You may well have a point there,’ Trevor muttered, and he gave Milly a withering glare, which she completely ignored and directed a particularly threatening growl towards the two women.

‘I’ll ‘ave you reported, I will,’ Peroxide said, seeming to regain her composure a little. ‘And what was yer doing in t’other room?’

‘Long story I’m afraid, and I’m a bit pushed for time at the moment.’

With that, Trevor disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door. But as he removed the cistern lid from his holdall, he spotted the plastic wallet taped to the underside, and straight away he understood the reason for his sense of unease a few minutes earlier.

Oh bloody Nora. How could you have been so stupid?

He stared at the wallet and tried to think what to do with the damn thing. There was no point leaving it here… Perhaps he could sneak back into the other room and— No, that wouldn’t work. The door had locked as soon as he’d closed it behind him… Maybe he could hand it in at reception when—

He suddenly became aware that Milly had cranked up her vicious-killing-machine act with some blood-curdling growling and snarling, and the two women had started screaming again. The reception plan would have to do. Ripping the wallet from the lid, he tossed it into his holdall and then carefully positioned the lid on top of the cistern.

Back in the bedroom, he saw that the chambermaids had pressed themselves against the wall once again, and the younger one was about to let out another scream. He stuffed his few belongings into the holdall and turned to the two cowering women. ‘Er… Sorry.’

‘Aye, right,’ said Peroxide with a snarl that even Milly would have been proud of.