Life After Taylah(8)

I slide my belt off and drop it on the floor before walking into the bathroom and brushing my teeth. I take as long as I can, but she’s still on the bed, staring at me when I come back out. She drops her legs open, exposing herself to me. I sigh. There’s just no nice way to reject her without hurting her feelings, and as angry as I am about Macy, I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you without a shirt,” she says, looking at my chest. “I’ve missed it. You’ve gotten stronger, Nate. I’m lucky, aren’t I? My husband is hot.”

I don’t answer her. I just get into the bed, pulling the sheet over me.

“I’m tired, Lena.”

She rolls towards me, trying to straddle my hips but I push her off.

“You don’t fuck me anymore.”

I knew it was coming.

“Fucked you two weeks ago,” I mutter, dropping my phone on the bedside table.

“Two weeks is a long time.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“You don’t love me anymore,” she cries.

I sigh. “You’re hardly making any of this easy.”

“Not this again,” she yells. “You’re always accusing me of being a bad mom, of being a bad wife. I’m doing the best I can.”

I turn and glare at her. “Macy had no diaper on tonight; she wet her bed. Did you even check her before you came in here?”

She crosses her arms over her breasts. “She was fine before.”

“She was not, Lena,” I yell. “She’d been laying like that for hours. She was freezing. Would you like to sleep in your own piss? How fuckin’ hard is it to put a diaper on her?”

She starts to cry, big tears running down her cheeks. “You hate me. You think I’m a bad mom. You’ve never been proud of me.”

Fuck.

I hate when she cries, I really do. It’ll always be my weak point.

“I don’t hate you,” I say as softly as I can when I’m this mad. “I just want you to try harder with her.”

“I will,” she murmurs running her hands over my chest. “I will, I’m sorry, baby. So sorry. I’ll try harder.”

I sigh and put an arm around her. “I’m sure you will.”

Marriage means trying.

You can’t just walk away.

You have to fight for the choice you made.

I tell myself this over and over, each day. Marriage isn’t something you just walk away from. It gets bad; you have to fight for it. You have to try. I do, I try every day. I’m sure it’ll get better. I’m sure she’ll turn into the woman I thought I was marrying. I just have to hang in there.

“Fuck me, Nate,” she whispers, climbing onto my lap. “Please?”

I fuck her.

It takes me a solid hour.

Then I spend the night sitting, staring out the window because I know it’s gone.

There’s nothing left but I have to stay. I have to fight for my little girl, if nothing else.

~*~*~*~





AVERY


Morning comes quickly, and it takes me a solid hour to drag myself out of bed for my morning run. The cool air wakes me up, but I find myself trudging through my morning at work as though I’ve had no sleep. I’m sure it’s emotional exhaustion. The day seems to drag and it feels like it takes hours and hours before lunchtime rolls around and I head to the studio.

“Afternoon, Avery,” Maggie says, smiling as I walk through the halls. She’s like the mother I lost; she is always taking care of me.

I smile back at her, admiring her tall, lean body. She’s in her late fifties, but she’s as fit as a twenty year old. She doesn’t dance seriously anymore, but she runs the entire studio, having spent half her life as a professional dancer. She’s amazing. Her long black hair is tied in a bun on her head and she’s wearing an elegant dress that falls to her knees.

“Hey Maggie,” I say, waving as I move to the lockers.

“Lyn isn’t dancing today. She’s sick, so you don’t have to be here. Her class was cancelled.”

“I could have taught it,” I say, turning to her.

“You should have a day off. You’re here every day but Sunday. Go home, enjoy yourself.”

I frown. This is part of my routine; I don’t know what to do with myself if I can’t be here.

“Stop looking like that.” She laughs. “It’s not so bad for you to have to find something outside of this studio.”

I turn my thoughts to the ticket Nate gave me. Could I go to the race? Should I go to the race? I don’t really know him, but I don’t honestly have anyone else to see. Kelly is busy and Liam doesn’t want to see me. I’ve always found it hard to make friends, so that’s out of the question. Maybe going and watching the race will be good. It has to be better than going home.