“Nate, I . . .”
God, I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how to feel or what to think. What am I supposed to say to him? I can’t ask him why he kissed me; I can’t ask him what it meant. It should mean nothing—it shouldn’t affect me because he isn’t mine. He’s never been mine and he’ll never be mine. I just don’t want to lose a friendship that has come to mean something to me.
“You into my brother,” he says, suddenly. His voice is low and gruff.
“What?” I say, shocked and a little confused.
“I said, are you into my brother?”
“Keanu?” I squeak.
“Yeah, fuckin’ Keanu,” he barks.
I shake my head, fingers wrapped around the chains of the swing. “I don’t understand . . .”
“I saw you out there with him, so I’m asking—are you into him?”
“I like Keanu. He’s a great surfer and he’s somewhat of an idol to me . . .”
“That’s not what I’m askin’,” he hisses. “I’m askin’ if you want him.”
Anger boils in my chest. “Jesus, Nate, what business is it of yours, anyway?” I snap. “You’ve made it very clear that this friendship means a whole lot of nothing to you. I don’t understand what you want from me.”
He lets go of the pole he was holding onto and storms over, taking hold of the chains on my swing and leaning down so we’re nose to nose. I forget to breathe again. This happens a lot around Nate. My entire body becomes aware of him, the skin at the back of my neck prickles and I swallow, trying desperately to keep my emotions at bay.
“What I want,” he grinds out, “I can’t fuckin’ have.”
“Then why are you here? Why are you making me feeling like I’ve done something wrong?”
He drops his eyes down, taking a deep, strangled breath. When he looks back up at me, some of the anger has slipped from his expression.
“The only thing you’ve done wrong, Dancer,” he murmurs, staring into my eyes and then dragging his gaze to my lips, “is be so fuckin’ perfect that you’re impossible to resist.”
“That’s not what I ever meant to do,” I squeak. “I’m not like that. I was never trying to do that, Nate. I just wanted a friend . . .”
“Shit, I know that. You think I don’t know that? You’re as good as they come, as pure as you are beautiful.”
I force my eyes to stop misting, force my heart to stop pounding, but I can’t stop my voice from shaking when I whisper, “Please stop.”
He steps closer, brining his face only millimeters from mine. “Don’t you think I want to stop?” He breathes. “Don’t you think I want to get your face from my mind? Don’t you think I want to forget about you? I can’t. I’m trying, and I can’t. This isn’t something I’ve ever felt before in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“Nate,” I gasp as he lets his lips graze mine.
“Turn me away, Avery. If you don’t . . . I’m not sure I can find the strength.”
I’m shaking all over, and my heart is tearing in two different directions. One wants him; it wants him so fiercely it hurts. The other is logical, it knows this is wrong, and not just for Lena but for Jacob. It’s not fair, and it’s not right. That side of my heart is trying to win; it’s fighting hard against the stupid part to win the battle. Apparently that battle takes too long, because Nate makes the choice for me.
He crushes his lips against mine.
I lose my breath in loud whoosh, and then all I can feel is him: the warmth of his lips, his hands on either side of my face, his thumbs stroking the soft patches of skin there. I part my lips and once again our kiss turns heated, tongues dancing, lips crushing, breath mingling. I don’t let go of the swing, too afraid that if I do there’ll be no turning back for me.
“Dancer,” he murmurs, trailing his lips over my jaw.
I shut my eyes and my head drops back. He takes the chance to run his lips down my throat.
Every thing in my world stops. It just stops. I can’t hear, I can’t see—the only sense I have left is to feel. And I feel—I feel all of him. I take in every emotion he’s pouring into me, and I take it willingly. Against all odds. Against everything that’s right. Against everything that should be.
He’s the only thing I am in this moment.
“Avery?”
The sound of a voice calling my name has reality crashing down on me so hard and so suddenly that I gasp and wrench my lips from Nate’s. I scramble backwards off the swing, landing with a crash on the ground. I can hear Kelly calling my name in the distance and I realize what it is I just did. I’m that woman. The woman who takes a man away from the pain in his relationship; the woman that becomes the monster; the woman that becomes his happy place; the woman that always ends up alone.