I laugh loudly.
Then we both sit in silence for a minute or two, before I get the courage to ask, “How did you meet Lena?”
He doesn’t look at me, but I notice his body stiffen. “I met her when I was still a young lad. I thought a lot with my dick back then.”
“Meaning...”
“Meaning I didn’t always make the right choices.”
I narrow my eyes. “Do you regret your wife?”
He sighs. “No, but as the years went on and we grew up, we realized we weren’t really made for each other.”
I nod. “I know how that feels.”
“Ahhh, Jacob,” he murmurs.
“I never really had a thing for Jacob.”
“Is he really how you want your life to go?”
I shake my head. “Not at all.”
He sighs. “We ought to learn to stick up for ourselves, eh?”
I laugh. “Let’s try.”
I turn to him and I can’t help but feel the sizzling tension between us. I quickly cover it with a joke, because it scares me.
“I’m not marrying you, Nate,” I say, my voice hard.
He pouts and turns away. “But I thought I was your type.”
I chuckle. “Okay we’re really not good at pretending to stick up for ourselves. You try, pretend I’m your wife.”
“I will not be your slave anymore, you can’t make me,” he cries dramatically.
I burst out laughing. “We can’t be serious about anything.”
He grins and puts an arm around me. “That’s why we’re best friends, me and you, because we have this awesome bond.”
I stop breathing; his arm is tight around my shoulder. I want to snuggle into him, I want to lean up and kiss him. At that thought, I turn and stare at him. He’s looking down at me, his eyes now on my lips. I gasp as he leans down a little closer, the air crackling between us. Realizing how close we are and how much my feelings have changed has me pulling away and jumping off the counter quickly, then running my hands through my hair.
“I,” he says, his eyes burning into mine. “I should go.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Ah, thanks.”
He jumps off the counter and steps forward, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me forward. I struggle to catch my breath. I close my eyes as he holds me close, and I try to think of anything else but how amazing and right it feels to be enclosed in his arms.
“Thanks,” he murmurs, stepping back. “Night, Dancer.”
I nod, biting my lower lip.
He turns and walks down the hall, collecting Macy. At the door he looks at me once again.
“I’m glad we’re friends,” he whispers.
Then he disappears into the night, and my heart refuses to stop pounding.
CHAPTER 13
NATE
“I want another baby,” Lena says, staring at me with hopeful eyes.
“What?” I gasp, dropping the bottle of beer I’d just finished into the bin.
“I think it will be good for us.”
She’s got to be joking, right? Good for us? Good for us? She hardly spends any time with Macy, and when she does she ends up passing out. She’s got no control over her life, she’s an alcoholic and she cares only about herself. How the hell she thinks a baby would be good is beyond me.
“Lena,” I carefully say. “That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?” she cries, crossing her arms. “Because you don’t think I’m a good mom.”
“Shit, Lena. You’re barely hanging in there with Macy.”
“Yes, but maybe if I have another one we can be a better family and . . .”
“We should be a good family now,” I bark.
She straightens. “Just admit it, Nathaniel, instead of dancing around the truth. You don’t want to give me a baby because you think I’m a bad mother. Admit it. Or are you too scared to be honest with your wife?”
I thought I just did admit it, but fine, if she wants it straight that’s how I’ll give it to her.
“You want honesty?” I say, my voice steely. “Then no, I don’t think you should have another child. I spend most of my days putting Macy into the care of our friends because you’d rather drink. I come home and some nights she isn’t fed, she’s wet in her bed, or fuck, she’s holding a knife at the sink because you’re passed out.”
“Let it go,” she screams. “That was once!”
“Once is once too many,” I snap. “She could have hurt herself very badly.”
“Why are you even here, Nate?” she growls, clenching her fists. “It’s clear you don’t want to be. Why don’t you just leave?”
“Because I made a commitment, and because I love my daughter.”