She offered him a sad smile. “Lex, you may love the idea of me, but I’m not sure you know what it means to love. I don’t mean to be insulting. But the only person you’ve truly loved is yourself. It’s only ever been about you. Please understand that I can’t put Nina through my heartbreak. She was too young, but this time she’d remember. And I won’t go back there—not even for you.” She walked toward him and placed one hand on his cheek. “I’ll always love you, Lex. But I can’t love you more than I love her.” She kissed his lips, lingering for a moment before she pulled away and walked out of his room.
Of all that had happened to him, that little speech hurt the most. He stood in the same spot for a long time, wondering what he could do to change their circumstance. Powerless, he walked back onto the balcony, gazing out into the vast sea, searching for perspective.
42
“I want to punch you!” Willa said to Lu, standing over her threateningly, while Lu sat patiently in front of her at the breakfast table following Christmas morning.
“You are one to talk,” Lu retorted, rolling her eyes. “Seriously?”
“Why are you throwing this away? This is what you’ve dreamed of since you were eight. And in earnest since he left. Why are you fighting this?”
Lu picked up the mimosa glistening in front of her and took a delicate sip, trying to not look at Willa in her outraged glory. Slow always frustrated Willa, and right now Lu was all about that. She took another sip, pretending to contemplate Willa’s questions. “Do we have any more champagne?” she asked innocently.
Sparks flew from Willa’s eyes as she scoffed and headed to the kitchen. She came back with a bottle of champagne and a pitcher of orange juice. Without saying a word, she poured equal amounts into Lu’s glass, then banged each onto the table, making the glass tilt precariously, forcing Lu to reach out and grab it.
“Temper, temper, Will.”
Willa sat unceremoniously in front of Lu and leaned forward so she was right in her face. “He loves you, Lu. How can you not see that?”
Lu couldn’t understand how they had ended up having the conversation. Christmas morning had actually been glorious. It may have been the alcohol as Lex had Bloody Marys waiting for everyone when they arrived. Who knew he was such a master host? Nina had buzzed around, acting as Santa’s elf, passing out gifts, and tearing into hers. The only tension-filled moment came when Nina handed Lu a present from Lex—but she was fairly certain she was the only one who noticed it. And, OK, maybe Willa. Then Lex, Pete, and Nina rushed to get the parents to the airport, leaving Lu alone with her bitch of a sister.
“Who are you and what have you done with that bitch who used to hate Lex?” Lu asked again, drinking her mimosa, working her way toward drunk.
Willa’s eyes gleamed hot. Grabbing Lu’s wrist, she shook it in front of her face. Lu tried hard not to look at the bracelet he’d bought her. The bracelet suited her so well it made her head hurt. Fucking bastard had to be good at gift giving too. With disgust, Willa pushed Lu’s arm away and sat back down, letting her head hit the table, telling the tale of her frustration.
“The question is who are you and what have you done with my fairy-tale believing, holding a torch for a man for nine years, pathetic brainiac of a sister.”
Lu rolled her eyes again. “For real, Will, why are you championing him?”
“Championing? I hate when you use your SAT words.” She looked away then back to Lu. “I don’t know. Probably that night he stayed at my house.”
“Oh, yes, the mystery night. The night neither one of you feels the need to talk to me about.”
“Yes, that night. We spent a lot of time talking. About everything, Pete, Mr. P., Jo, Mom. We avoided talking about you for most of the night. Then we couldn’t avoid it anymore. I told him how much I hated what he did to you that day—even though you never really came clean about what happened. The thing was, Lu, he hated it worse than I did. Once I knew that, the mad just melted away. He’s alone and lonely. Trying to be a good father to a child that’s had nine years without him. He just wasn’t who I thought he was. So, yes, I guess I am ‘championing’ with air quotes—him.”
They were both quiet for a while, Lu working on her drunk and Willa nursing her mad.
Willa hated quiet in the middle of a fight. It was like being in a sprint but stopping to polish your nails, only to finish the sprint later. It wasn’t how she played it. Lu smiled, thinking that she’d love to be there to see Pete and Willa fight. She thought it would be a damn trip.