Lex and Lu(56)

Smiling in irony over the discussion he’d just had with his brother, he allowed himself the leeway to forget that he’d just physically harmed his brother for saying the same thing. The problem, though, came down to how he could try to talk to her. Just the thought of seeing her made his blood boil. He broke into a sweat when he thought of being in the same room with her. And since he was being so honest with himself, he had to admit that it was more than just keeping Nina away from him. Although that was enough to convict her in and of itself, it wasn’t enough to keep the flame of his anger from extinguishing itself. Because when he thought about those decisions made so long ago, he knew she didn’t have the wherewithal to fight their combined sets of parents without him. And he’d left, even though he knew she was pregnant. For that, he could probably find it in his heart to exonerate her.

Her claim to have held them all hostage if they told him about Nina—he knew that was bullshit. She’d been convincing and, at the time, he wanted to believe that. But he knew she wouldn’t do that. They had all made a decision to protect the secret because they didn’t know how to tell him. They all withheld the knowledge of his daughter to protect themselves. He thought it sucked, but he got it. When is there a good time to tell someone he has a child who’s been concealed from him?

So why was he really mad at her?

It was the sex. How did she open herself up to him when she kept the most important thing in her life from him? How did she let him inside her body while blocking off her heart? Was it just his ego that was hurt? Could he be that much of a dickhead? The Lu he thought he knew was genuine and sweet. So who had he been with six months ago?





24





The excitement and uncertainty of Willa’s visit had begun to fade and life began to retreat into a normal pattern. School seemed to agree with Nina although, much like her father, her constant need to move had resulted in a few phone calls to Lu. Here she balked. How did she include Lex? She found no answers in her super brain and also found that she had no one to talk to about the situation. Everyone in her life was too involved and too jaded. It seemed as if suddenly the issue of Nina had divided their two families. She still spoke to everyone, reluctant to let Nina’s relationships with them waver. But when looking for direction on how to include a parent who had been deliberately excluded for nine years, she found herself whipping in the wind. This was the only negative in her new life.

The approach of Christmas found Lu preparing for her transatlantic trip home to receive her degree. She had to finish packing Nina so that she could begin on her stuff. The mindless task allowed her thoughts to wander. With all that had been happening, it seemed inconsequential to go back for her graduation, but she knew that she’d worked hard and should enjoy the sense of accomplishment. Her PhD at twenty-seven seemed to say that she had lived up to the promises of her youth. Even her teenage pregnancy hadn’t held her back from potentially achieving greatness. There was part of her—and if she was honest, she would admit it was a large part of her—that wanted to take her diploma and rub it in her mother’s face. But the parent side of her recognized the immaturity of that sentiment.

After a long, arduous discussion with Lex’s lawyers, an agreement was worked out for Christmas. Lex wanted to take Nina on one of his trips so she could see some of England and watch him play. Lex’s nanny would chaperone her during practice and games. It made Lu nervous, but she didn’t think she could hold him back from taking her. He’d patiently waited for her to have a break from school. It had come time for him to have her for an extended period. With their very separate lives, Lu still felt as though she were parenting alone. She envisioned a time in the near future when she would have to discuss it with Lex—not his lawyers—but she continued to give him the space he desired. On her return from the States, Nina would begin a two-week stint with him.

There were times when Lu questioned her own cooperative attitude. She found herself wanting to demand more, but she would work herself up for it and all the bluster would fade away. So much for that doctorate in psychology, she thought. She knew she felt guilty for keeping Nina from Lex and for not avoiding intimacy with him. But at some point, being a parent had to outweigh being a woman, right? That’s what she was banking on—for this primal maternal feeling to kick in so that she could kick some English attorney ass. It almost made her laugh that she could continue to be pissed at her mom but couldn’t work up the energy to fight Lex. Perhaps because she wasn’t sure what she’d be fighting for.