Lex and Lu(37)

He pulled away. “Lex is in the Sunday-school room. It’s the last room at the end of the hallway.”

She nodded. Still looking shell-shocked, she gave him a tremulous smile.

“I feel like I’m sending you into the lion’s den,” he said with a sad smile.

“You are,” she agreed, “but I’m the one who gave the lion his teeth.” With that, she turned and began her death march.

Pete watched her walk away, his heart heavy. When he felt Willa’s arms come around him, he leaned back into her, seeking comfort and warmth.

“How much did you hear?” he asked.

“Enough,” she said, hugging him harder. “I heard enough to know that you are amazing. And I want to fuck your brains out because the way that you love knocks the breath out of me.”

He laughed and turned in her arms. Grasping her face in his hands, much like he’d done with Lu only moments earlier, he kissed her quick and hard. “Let’s make sure we get to that tonight. I’m going to need that.”





16





As Lu walked away from Pete, her heart took a tumultuous tumble. She’d listened. She’d heard. She’d told herself the same things over and over again in her mind all day. After her confrontation with her parents and Jo she’d needed some time on her own. Setting up for the day had given her a task. She’d been helpful to everyone here except Lex. The one moment when she could fight his pull no longer she’d joined him in the pew and held his hand. They didn’t speak. They didn’t look at each other. But the exchange of communication in that touch had been meaningful—both helpful and destructive. It had been their one interaction, and when she’d walked away from him, she had been breathless and broken.

She had practiced in her head all day. She hadn’t gotten it right yet, but she’d told him about his daughter in a thousand different ways. Not one of them made any sense. Not one of them exonerated her in its retelling. She wasn’t sure if she should try to describe Nina or just introduce them and let him discover her for himself. She wanted to give him the high points. Tell him what she was good at, what her insecurities were, tell him that she’d tried to raise her like she thought they would have raised her together. She definitely hadn’t gotten it all right. What the hell had she known at eighteen about being a mother? But she was proud of Nina every day, so she felt she had gotten most of it right.

As she walked with a purpose, yet aimlessly, toward the Sunday-school room, she thought of Pete and what an incredible friend he was to her. She knew that he had taken it the hardest when the edict came down that Lex shouldn’t be told. He and Lex were tight. She also knew that he did everything he could to be there for Nina. He hadn’t missed an event, not even once he started medical school. But what he just did for her, telling her the cold, hard truth when she least wanted to hear it, ranked right up there with showing up for Nina’s Christmas play the year before, in the middle of exams, when she’d been one of forty sheep. His heart was so good. And he would be so good for Willa if she’d let him. Knowing that the two of them might be able to make a start from the ashes of her life made her feel like something good was coming from it.

She reached the Sunday-school room and paused as she reached for the door handle. She knew what she needed to do to help preserve Lex’s family. Fortifying her heart with her hopes for her daughter and Lex, she turned the knob and walked inside.



Lex turned away from the window when he heard the door open. He watched Lu approach, apprehension clearly written upon her face. Like a blinding light, anger scorched through him. Lex worked hard to keep the emotion, unlike anything he’d ever experienced, off of his face. It cost him a tremendous amount of effort. Anger was an alien emotion for him. So this blinding rage left him shaking, unsure of how to control it. It dawned on him that he was scared for Lu because he couldn’t find any balance.

He waited.

He watched as concern clouded her eyes, her eyebrows drawing together. She walked toward him. When she was directly in front of him, she reached out and touched his cheek. “Are you OK?” she asked.

Shaking, Lex grabbed her hand, drew it away from him and as gently as he could, he got her out of his direct line of vision. Moving past her, he went back to the window and looked out. Able to reign in some of his emotions when she wasn’t in his face, he tried to answer her calmly.

“Why wouldn’t I be OK?” he responded.

“You don’t look OK.”

Still facing the window, he said, “What did you want to talk to me about?”