If she’d tried to convince him that she didn’t love him, he would have been able to fight her. He’d have kissed her into oblivion or held her until she capitulated. But her reasons, he could understand. He knew his feelings weren’t going to change, but she didn’t have that faith in him. While he wanted to be angry with her, he felt resigned.
“Look, I’m going to let this go for now. But it’s not going away. And in one or two or three years, when I still feel the same way and I come back to you, you are going to regret that you let this time get away. We’ve already lost nine years. How much more are you willing to lose?”
He watched her, hoping it would sink in, wanting her to change her mind. But she didn’t. She merely continued to stare at him before taking a deep breath and turning away from him.
“I need to shower.” She got up from the bed and left him sitting there.
Lex waited until he heard the shower running. Then he left the room.
43
The last to leave the field, Lex entered the tunnel, the exhilaration of the win pounding through him, the adrenaline rush shaking its way out. He thought he saw her standing at the threshold of the tunnel waiting for him. Shaking his head to dispel the hopeful illusion, he made his way to the locker room. Thus had been his existence recently, since that painfully slow good-bye in the airport. His brain conjured her at odd moments. Not alone times; rather, in the midst of a game, in the crowd at the stadium, at a bar with his teammates—all places she would never appear. Wishful thinking, he knew. He thought his parting words would convince her, break through her scared. But somehow his abandonment of her at seventeen stood out greater in her mind than his love for her at twenty-six.
He accepted his teammates’ congratulatory handshakes and pats on the back before he showered. Donning jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt and slides, he grabbed his bag, heading back out into the now-empty tunnel. Except it wasn’t empty. Standing directly in the spot he’d imagined her, Lu leaned against the wall. He often found himself startled by the woman who’d grown from the little girl with the serious blue eyes, the too-old soul, and the super-smart brain. Enveloped in a black midlength coat, a scarf that covered most of her neck and face and a pair of knee-length boots, she resembled an Alaskan bank robber. He almost blinked but knew that the vision wouldn’t disappear this time.
He sauntered toward her, swag from the game making him cockier than normal. Only in the face of Lu did he feel any vulnerability.
“Everything OK?” he asked, eyebrow raised, grin in place.
She smiled because she found it hard not to smile in his presence. Nodding, she said, “Yes, Nina is good and all is well.”
Although he knew the answer, he couldn’t resist teasing her. “Here with Malcolm?”
He watched her eyes grow wide before she realized he was messing with her. “I thought I could treat you to a postgame meal. If memory serves, you are always ravenous after a game.”
“You and your SAT words …” Shaking his head, he reached a hand out to her. “What’d you have in mind?”
“Steak?”
“God, I love you,” he said, not in a serious, declaration sort of way but in a way that made Lu giggle as she took his hand.
They didn’t say much on the ride. Of course they talked about and discussed Nina. Lex had recently disciplined her for the first time and had survived almost unscathed but admitted to Lu that he’d had a hard time resisting the tears. “I put my earbuds in and blasted Jack Johnson so that I wouldn’t have to hear it.”
Rolling her eyes, she assured him it would get easier.
After they plowed through dinner without any discussion of her unexpected appearance, Lex’s patience began to wane, but he continued to wait. When the waiter brought them both coffee—he had never been able to get accustomed to tea—he sat back.
“What’s up, Lu?”
Toying with her coffee cup, she remained silent.
Frustrated, Lex signaled the waiter, requesting their check. When he arrived, however, Lu aborted his attempt to place the check down.
“Can I have a Stoli and tonic with lemon? And then you can cash us out.” She handed him her credit card and looked at Lex. “My invitation. My treat.”
Lex didn’t argue. Again he waited. The high from the game and the amazing meal worked against him and he started to get tired. Moving forward, he leaned his forearms on the table, taking away some of her space. “I’m getting tired and my patience is ebbing. I know you have something you want to talk about. It didn’t used to be this hard to get you to tell me what you are thinking.” There. Gauntlet thrown.